Well....as of February 12th...we are officially an "expecting couple"...waiting for a child to be born who has been growing in our hearts for years!
We went lunch with Jenn, to talk some more...about details that were too uncomfortable to speak about on the first meeting. We laughed....we joked....we hugged good-bye....and she officially asked us to become the parents of her baby girl, who is to be born in June.
To be honest....we left lunch and I asked Chris..."Didn't you expect our reaction to be different"? I mean....I had always dreamt about this day. The day a birthmom picked us with whom to place her child for adoption. I just knew...I was going to cry, be absolutely giddy with emotion and delite, honored and humbled....and just plain....stupid crazy excited.
None of that happened! Nope...it was like..."I want y'all to adopt my child"...and we were like "Wow Jenn, thanks....what an honor. Of course we will!" "Do you want dessert or more tea?"
We talked over the next few days several times about our "anti-climactic" reaction. Was this normal? Did it mean something? Why wouldn't we have just burst into tears?
Conclusion: We are jaded! We are guarded! We have protective walls in place! All due to foster parenting. Now don't get me wrong...these protective measures are not a bad thing. And it doesn't mean that you shield yourself or prevent yourself from loving the child in your home....it just means you proceed...in EVERYTHING....with caution. You are prepared....to love deeply, letting your heart stretch, and grow....giving it "growth stretch marks"....knowing that you may have to later sooth those painful stretch marks with "Mederma or other such cream" when the child you have loved....leaves your home (or in the case of private adoption....never enters your home).
We are excited about what's to come! God's plan....as it CURRENTLY appears....may have our family growing from 2 to 4 by the end of June. We remain cautious....as to say that we fully know or understand God's will in our lives....would be ridiculous! But...we are willing to do anything, follow Him anywhere! So until he directs us otherwise...we are on the journey to PARENTHOOD OF 2!!!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Will and Grace
Years ago....when Chris and I first started exploring the options regarding our infertility issues...we had spoken with all our family. We had told them about the path we were about to journey down and we asked for prayer.
Several months into our infertility treatments....my sister-in-law, Andrea, called to tell us a great story. They were saying their nightly prayers with their kids. And, as the prayers were wrapping up, our nephew Jake (probably 6 or 7 at the time) said..."We forgot to pray for Baby Will". Andrea asks..."Who's Baby Will". To which Jake answered...."Uncle Chris and Aunt Tammy's baby".
Well...for the months prior, they had been praying "If it be your WILL Lord, please bless Chris and Tammy with a BABY". Well...true to fashion for a child...and child ears....he heard "Baby Will".
I know....HOW PRECIOUS IS THAT!!!!
Well, since that time....I have been praying for Baby Will (God's Will) by that name....and when we started the journey of foster care...I also started praying for Baby Grace (God's Grace). Will and Grace represent the children that God has planned for our home...and the children for whom God wants us to show HIS love and grace.
We are His children, and we have been called to love. And we are ready....Will and Grace....we are ready!
Several months into our infertility treatments....my sister-in-law, Andrea, called to tell us a great story. They were saying their nightly prayers with their kids. And, as the prayers were wrapping up, our nephew Jake (probably 6 or 7 at the time) said..."We forgot to pray for Baby Will". Andrea asks..."Who's Baby Will". To which Jake answered...."Uncle Chris and Aunt Tammy's baby".
Well...for the months prior, they had been praying "If it be your WILL Lord, please bless Chris and Tammy with a BABY". Well...true to fashion for a child...and child ears....he heard "Baby Will".
I know....HOW PRECIOUS IS THAT!!!!
Well, since that time....I have been praying for Baby Will (God's Will) by that name....and when we started the journey of foster care...I also started praying for Baby Grace (God's Grace). Will and Grace represent the children that God has planned for our home...and the children for whom God wants us to show HIS love and grace.
We are His children, and we have been called to love. And we are ready....Will and Grace....we are ready!
Three ladies, a man, and a baby
So, fast forward to mid-January. Christmas/ holiday season/ New Years was over! Chris was now finally able to process...and so we talked! We prayed! And we decided to reach out to meet Jenn. I made the call to my friend Susie...not knowing if they had moved on or not. Well, Susie and her niece Jenn, were still waiting on us...to take the time we needed to decide if we wanted to just meet and "see where it leads".
So...one chilly Sunday afternoon, we met...at Starbucks....over coffee. The four of us adults sat there together at the table...awkwardly getting to know one another....talking about the future and possibilities of a child who was not yet born. I could feel the ears of the lady sitting next to us....stretching to hear. I mean...how often do you wonder upon an adoption story unfolding right beside you...at a Starbucks.
The conversation felt...strange, yet unusually comfortable. There were alot of unanswered questions...uncertainties, but...it was a very nice "meeting". And as first meetings go....it went well.
We all agreed to talk about it...think about it....spend some time in prayer....and reach out to one another at a later date.
God....please...we are willing to follow you anywhere! We are willing to do anything! But...if this is not your will, please shut this door, and shut it fast. But until then....we will walk through and press on...because until you direct us otherwise....we are proceeding as though this match was by divine intervention!
So...one chilly Sunday afternoon, we met...at Starbucks....over coffee. The four of us adults sat there together at the table...awkwardly getting to know one another....talking about the future and possibilities of a child who was not yet born. I could feel the ears of the lady sitting next to us....stretching to hear. I mean...how often do you wonder upon an adoption story unfolding right beside you...at a Starbucks.
The conversation felt...strange, yet unusually comfortable. There were alot of unanswered questions...uncertainties, but...it was a very nice "meeting". And as first meetings go....it went well.
We all agreed to talk about it...think about it....spend some time in prayer....and reach out to one another at a later date.
God....please...we are willing to follow you anywhere! We are willing to do anything! But...if this is not your will, please shut this door, and shut it fast. But until then....we will walk through and press on...because until you direct us otherwise....we are proceeding as though this match was by divine intervention!
November - The month of change?
All a long, we thought Tank was going home once his mother was ready to be a safe parent. So, when we were approached by CPS to adopt Tank...we were stunned. CPS had decided to change the goal for Tank from reunification with parents to termination of parental right....and adoption by us.
Are you serious?? What happened? Why the change? Well...due to some circumstances which I can't divulge (and frankly aren't important)...it was decided that Tank's mom was not doing the neccessary things to make herself a safe parent for Tank.
After some talking, thought, and much prayer....we decided we would love to make our home Tank's forever home! And...cue freak out moment...as this was becoming REALLY real!
We had what was supposed to be "Final Court" for Tank on Nov 27th. That was HELL! Complete and utter hell. Sitting there...not know what is going to happen....knowing that for someone, either us or Tank's birthmom, this day was not going to end well. It would be a sad....for someone. Well...the judge granted a 6 month extension....meaning she was giving mom one last 6 month chance to show she could be a safe, responsible parent for her child. So...what does that mean for us? We wait! We continue to love Tank....and we wait! UGH!!!
Now that is not the ONLY change in Novemeber....just wait for this bomb!
I went to lunch the following day with a friend. I was coming off the massive emotional drama from the day before and had just eaten my weight in mexican food...when she asks to talk to me about something "personal".
"My niece is pregnant...she is due in June....and she wants to place the baby for adoption. I've told her about you and Chris. She wants to meet you guys....to see if you y'all are a match for possibly adopting her baby."
Can you hear the crickets! I was speechless! ARE YOU SERIOUS???
To which I respond....you are going to have to give us some time on this one! I will get back with you. And in the mean time...if you guys decide you need to move on and pursue another adoptive option...I totally understand! We agreed to talk in a few weeks.
I sat in my car shaking....how was I going to tell Chris about this. He was not going to handle it well!
His response...."Are you kidding me? I can't process that right now! I need time."
So...time we took...until January!
Are you serious?? What happened? Why the change? Well...due to some circumstances which I can't divulge (and frankly aren't important)...it was decided that Tank's mom was not doing the neccessary things to make herself a safe parent for Tank.
After some talking, thought, and much prayer....we decided we would love to make our home Tank's forever home! And...cue freak out moment...as this was becoming REALLY real!
We had what was supposed to be "Final Court" for Tank on Nov 27th. That was HELL! Complete and utter hell. Sitting there...not know what is going to happen....knowing that for someone, either us or Tank's birthmom, this day was not going to end well. It would be a sad....for someone. Well...the judge granted a 6 month extension....meaning she was giving mom one last 6 month chance to show she could be a safe, responsible parent for her child. So...what does that mean for us? We wait! We continue to love Tank....and we wait! UGH!!!
Now that is not the ONLY change in Novemeber....just wait for this bomb!
I went to lunch the following day with a friend. I was coming off the massive emotional drama from the day before and had just eaten my weight in mexican food...when she asks to talk to me about something "personal".
"My niece is pregnant...she is due in June....and she wants to place the baby for adoption. I've told her about you and Chris. She wants to meet you guys....to see if you y'all are a match for possibly adopting her baby."
Can you hear the crickets! I was speechless! ARE YOU SERIOUS???
To which I respond....you are going to have to give us some time on this one! I will get back with you. And in the mean time...if you guys decide you need to move on and pursue another adoptive option...I totally understand! We agreed to talk in a few weeks.
I sat in my car shaking....how was I going to tell Chris about this. He was not going to handle it well!
His response...."Are you kidding me? I can't process that right now! I need time."
So...time we took...until January!
Is this kid like 3 years old????
August 21st....CPS brough us "TANK". I was home alone that day, as Chris was still at work. In comes the CPS worker carrying an 8 month old "little" boy. Now remember...our only other experience with a child in our home was a newborn....straight from the hospital.
Tank looked....HUGE. He was fussy...he didn't want to be held, didn't want to be put down, didn't want to eat/ drink...and he was HUGE!
Chris got home from work, and I will never forget his face or what he said....as he stood in the garage doorway. "Is that kid like 3 years old or what?" I think we both crapped our pants a little that day...we were so scared! We had NO CLUE what we were doing.
What can he do? How much formula should he be taking? Does eat other food? What size diapers? What is bedtime going to be like? Holy Moly....God...are you sure about this? This wasn't exactly what we were thinking or looking for when we said we wanted a child in our home. We wanted to grow with the child....learn as we went! We are clueless here! HELP!?!?!?!?!?
Well, I'm not going to lie....the first month (at least), was ROUGH! Tank was not easy. He was difficult to console. He screamed often...didn't like to be held. Frustrated easily. We were not having fun...at all. There was more than one conversation about disrupting, as we were NOT going to let foster parenting ruin our marriage. NO WAY!
But...we stayed the course. We worked with Tank, worked with each other, and prayed often for guidance and strength. And as the weeks passed....the days begin to improve. The frustration began to soften. The unconsolable, became consolable. Slowly, with caution and some hesitency, our hearts began to stretch and grow...and as we began to bond with Tank, he became our son!
We knew from the beginning that Tank would probably be a short term placement, and that he would probably go home to his mother. So, even though our hearts had taken him in as our own, we remained mildly guarded with our emotions. We would love him...provide a safe, nurturing home for him, and then return him to his birth mother when deemed safe to do so.
Until November....when the game changed!
Tank looked....HUGE. He was fussy...he didn't want to be held, didn't want to be put down, didn't want to eat/ drink...and he was HUGE!
Chris got home from work, and I will never forget his face or what he said....as he stood in the garage doorway. "Is that kid like 3 years old or what?" I think we both crapped our pants a little that day...we were so scared! We had NO CLUE what we were doing.
What can he do? How much formula should he be taking? Does eat other food? What size diapers? What is bedtime going to be like? Holy Moly....God...are you sure about this? This wasn't exactly what we were thinking or looking for when we said we wanted a child in our home. We wanted to grow with the child....learn as we went! We are clueless here! HELP!?!?!?!?!?
Well, I'm not going to lie....the first month (at least), was ROUGH! Tank was not easy. He was difficult to console. He screamed often...didn't like to be held. Frustrated easily. We were not having fun...at all. There was more than one conversation about disrupting, as we were NOT going to let foster parenting ruin our marriage. NO WAY!
But...we stayed the course. We worked with Tank, worked with each other, and prayed often for guidance and strength. And as the weeks passed....the days begin to improve. The frustration began to soften. The unconsolable, became consolable. Slowly, with caution and some hesitency, our hearts began to stretch and grow...and as we began to bond with Tank, he became our son!
We knew from the beginning that Tank would probably be a short term placement, and that he would probably go home to his mother. So, even though our hearts had taken him in as our own, we remained mildly guarded with our emotions. We would love him...provide a safe, nurturing home for him, and then return him to his birth mother when deemed safe to do so.
Until November....when the game changed!
Foster Parents! Are you sure Lord??
April 2012...Chris and I started foster parenting classes. We thought that if it was not in God's perfect plan for us to become foster parents...then at some point during these classes....something would happen to shut the door! It is windy here in Midland, Texas....REALLY windy! And as the classes kept going...we kept waiting for the door to blow closed. Like...come on massive dust bowl wind storm....blow this baby closed! But it didn't!
June 2012, we became licensed in the State of Texas as foster parents. WHAT ARE WE DOING??? Well...at the end of June...here came the call and our first little bundle was delivered to our doorstop. This little nugget was a BEAUTIFUL 5 day old princess from the hospital...and we were in LOVE! Now...mind you....we've never been parents before, so we had some pretty steep learning curves to over-come (as in...Chris had never changed a diaper), but we were in love!
However, through a variety of unforseen circumstances, our little nugget left our home after only 3 weeks. We were heart-broken, as we were led to believe this little girl had a strong possiblity of remaining in our home forever. I still look at her pictures...I still think about what it was like to hold her in the middle of the night! She was our first....and we will never forget her. We will always wonder about her...and hope that her future is bright! We will continue to pray that she is being taught of God's love for her so that she might grow up a beautiful, Godly woman!
Those next few weeks were rough! My arms were longing to hold a baby. My heart was aching and my head was, once again, questioning what my purpose was here in Midland, Texas. Why God...do you not want me to be a mother? Or do you? Or don't you? Can you text me? Or send me an email and let me know?
Little did I know...I was evolving! I was changing....growing....seeking Him more and more through this uncertain time in my life. And through seeking him...I began to find such peace. Peace that God's plan is perfect, and he will reveal that plan in His perfect time. I NEVER thought I could be one of those people....that was comfortable with believing the TRUTH in that statement....but, I can NOW say that I am.
Now...I slip up, and have days (many, MANY days) of questioning and doubt, frustation and heartache. BUT...I am always able to come back to a place where my faith takes over and I can rest in His peace.
6 weeks had passed since "Nugget" had left our home, and while I was definitely wanting my arms, heart, and home full again, I was much more comfortable with the day to day...and the wait! And...just as though God was calling on the phone to say..."Girl...I told you I would NEVER leave you or let you down"...the phone rang, and we were once again asked to step up to the plate and foster a child in need!
ENTER "TANK"!
June 2012, we became licensed in the State of Texas as foster parents. WHAT ARE WE DOING??? Well...at the end of June...here came the call and our first little bundle was delivered to our doorstop. This little nugget was a BEAUTIFUL 5 day old princess from the hospital...and we were in LOVE! Now...mind you....we've never been parents before, so we had some pretty steep learning curves to over-come (as in...Chris had never changed a diaper), but we were in love!
However, through a variety of unforseen circumstances, our little nugget left our home after only 3 weeks. We were heart-broken, as we were led to believe this little girl had a strong possiblity of remaining in our home forever. I still look at her pictures...I still think about what it was like to hold her in the middle of the night! She was our first....and we will never forget her. We will always wonder about her...and hope that her future is bright! We will continue to pray that she is being taught of God's love for her so that she might grow up a beautiful, Godly woman!
Those next few weeks were rough! My arms were longing to hold a baby. My heart was aching and my head was, once again, questioning what my purpose was here in Midland, Texas. Why God...do you not want me to be a mother? Or do you? Or don't you? Can you text me? Or send me an email and let me know?
Little did I know...I was evolving! I was changing....growing....seeking Him more and more through this uncertain time in my life. And through seeking him...I began to find such peace. Peace that God's plan is perfect, and he will reveal that plan in His perfect time. I NEVER thought I could be one of those people....that was comfortable with believing the TRUTH in that statement....but, I can NOW say that I am.
Now...I slip up, and have days (many, MANY days) of questioning and doubt, frustation and heartache. BUT...I am always able to come back to a place where my faith takes over and I can rest in His peace.
6 weeks had passed since "Nugget" had left our home, and while I was definitely wanting my arms, heart, and home full again, I was much more comfortable with the day to day...and the wait! And...just as though God was calling on the phone to say..."Girl...I told you I would NEVER leave you or let you down"...the phone rang, and we were once again asked to step up to the plate and foster a child in need!
ENTER "TANK"!
The Background Story
Time to start a blog to keep up with the goings on of our growing family!
Background:
Chris and I have been married for almost 17years!! I know....young bride! :-) We knew upon getting marrind that having biological children was going to be next to impossible, but for several years (like 3ish)...we gave it a shot. We did the whole run with infertility specialists, tests, drugs, more tests....BLA BLA BLA. It was a challenging, emotionally painful few years and ultimiately, we decided to call it quits! We decided to put ourselves into our careers, our marriage, our church, and our social life.
Over the years, discussion of adoption surfaced...and re-surfaced.....and RE-SURFACED! It was like a nagging case of acid reflux....that just kept showing back up at the most unlikely of times! On two different occasions in Michigan, we began to pursue the possibility of adoption...with each time being halted for various reasons. Most recently....in the Spring of 2011, after our paperwork was all complete, letters of recommendation all in, medical forms all filled out....Chris was called regarding a job in Texas! After much prayerful consideration...we decided that God was calling us back to Texas. So...into the trash can with all that paper work and prep. The door had been shut again....maybe for good!
At first...I knew God was calling Chris...to a new career, one where he could use his talents in ministry, but I was not at ALL sure if or WHY he was calling me.
So....off we went! August of 2011, we re-located to Midland, Texas for Chris to become the Music Director at St Luke's United Methodist Church. Our new church family welcomed us in with open arms and the Chris' decision to take this job has proved to be a wonderful following of God's great plan for his life!
Still....why am I here? As months went by, and me...still without full time work...I was beginning to question and ask God what MY purpose was here in Midland. Are you wanting me to pursue a career change? Are you directing me into mission work (one of my passions)? Am I here to be a supportive wife of a husband in ministry? HEY GOD....let me in on the plan!! Okay????
Last winter....I got that "adoption acid reflux" again! It hit me....right during church, as I was serviving communion on Christmas Eve at the "Family Service". All thouse beautiful families...bring their little tykes forward....trying to explain to them about communion, all the while preventing them from spilling grape juice on their new, Christmas outfits. I watched...with great sadness! I wanted that life...I wanted to intercept my child's grubby hands from entering the communion cup....I wanted to smile with embaressment as I exited the side door with a crying baby...I wanted to share the story of the birth of Christ....God's greatest gift with my own precious family!! And...cue the water works! I handed out the bread....as the tears flowed down my face.
After the holidays were over...I decided to have that "crutial conversation" with Chris....AGAIN. "Babe...I REALLY want to adopt. I'm supposed to be a mother....I just know it. And...you are supposed to be a father...and amazing one at that!" We talked...cried....talked...and decided once again, we would begin to investigate our options.
The very next day...my cousin Amy and I had a talk on the phone. She said she had it on her heart to talk to me about foster parenting (she and her hubs have two beautiful foster kids they are soon to adopt). "Oh no....not us Amy! I don't think God is pulling us in that direction. You and Greg are amazing people...and I'm so thankful there are people out there like you....but we are NOT those people!"
Well...I was wrong! And so began our journey....growing our family from 2 to 4!
Background:
Chris and I have been married for almost 17years!! I know....young bride! :-) We knew upon getting marrind that having biological children was going to be next to impossible, but for several years (like 3ish)...we gave it a shot. We did the whole run with infertility specialists, tests, drugs, more tests....BLA BLA BLA. It was a challenging, emotionally painful few years and ultimiately, we decided to call it quits! We decided to put ourselves into our careers, our marriage, our church, and our social life.
Over the years, discussion of adoption surfaced...and re-surfaced.....and RE-SURFACED! It was like a nagging case of acid reflux....that just kept showing back up at the most unlikely of times! On two different occasions in Michigan, we began to pursue the possibility of adoption...with each time being halted for various reasons. Most recently....in the Spring of 2011, after our paperwork was all complete, letters of recommendation all in, medical forms all filled out....Chris was called regarding a job in Texas! After much prayerful consideration...we decided that God was calling us back to Texas. So...into the trash can with all that paper work and prep. The door had been shut again....maybe for good!
At first...I knew God was calling Chris...to a new career, one where he could use his talents in ministry, but I was not at ALL sure if or WHY he was calling me.
So....off we went! August of 2011, we re-located to Midland, Texas for Chris to become the Music Director at St Luke's United Methodist Church. Our new church family welcomed us in with open arms and the Chris' decision to take this job has proved to be a wonderful following of God's great plan for his life!
Still....why am I here? As months went by, and me...still without full time work...I was beginning to question and ask God what MY purpose was here in Midland. Are you wanting me to pursue a career change? Are you directing me into mission work (one of my passions)? Am I here to be a supportive wife of a husband in ministry? HEY GOD....let me in on the plan!! Okay????
Last winter....I got that "adoption acid reflux" again! It hit me....right during church, as I was serviving communion on Christmas Eve at the "Family Service". All thouse beautiful families...bring their little tykes forward....trying to explain to them about communion, all the while preventing them from spilling grape juice on their new, Christmas outfits. I watched...with great sadness! I wanted that life...I wanted to intercept my child's grubby hands from entering the communion cup....I wanted to smile with embaressment as I exited the side door with a crying baby...I wanted to share the story of the birth of Christ....God's greatest gift with my own precious family!! And...cue the water works! I handed out the bread....as the tears flowed down my face.
After the holidays were over...I decided to have that "crutial conversation" with Chris....AGAIN. "Babe...I REALLY want to adopt. I'm supposed to be a mother....I just know it. And...you are supposed to be a father...and amazing one at that!" We talked...cried....talked...and decided once again, we would begin to investigate our options.
The very next day...my cousin Amy and I had a talk on the phone. She said she had it on her heart to talk to me about foster parenting (she and her hubs have two beautiful foster kids they are soon to adopt). "Oh no....not us Amy! I don't think God is pulling us in that direction. You and Greg are amazing people...and I'm so thankful there are people out there like you....but we are NOT those people!"
Well...I was wrong! And so began our journey....growing our family from 2 to 4!
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