So, this week has been anything but encouraging and uplifting. In fact, I'm not sure I have had a week that tested my faith to this extent....since Cambryn (our first foster child) was removed from our home. I was called last week (out of the blue) by an anesthesia group here in Midland that has a position available. They wanted me to come interview!! Now...for those that don't know, I have been unable to find full-time work in my own town since we moved here 2 1/2 years ago...so, this felt like a gift from God being handed right down out of the sky.
However, my initial reaction was....let me talk to my husband and pray about it. I spent the first year here in Midland confused....wondering what my purpose was here. I couldn't get work...and didn't feel like I had much purpose other than to be a supportive wife of a spouse in ministry. I was lost, frustrated...and at times, depressed. Then, began our whirl-wind trip down parenthood lane...and suddenly, God opened my eyes to his perfect plan. Part-time work....full-time mommy! AWESOME! Additionally, I was really starting to have a strong pull at our church into additional ministries and outreach opportunities, and felt God was directing me to step up in these roles. I love missions and outreach...so, it was perfect.
So....when the full time job opportunity presented itself....I was like..."Ummm, God, give a girl a bone. Is this what you want?" After discussion, and prayer, and the support of husband, I decided to go for it. A door had been opened, and Chris and I have always believed that you must walk through the door in order to discern God's plan. Job interview went fine as far as I was concerned. Felt fairly natural.....and comfortable. "We are still interviewing and will call you in a week or so." Well...the call came at 8am the next morning...and the caller said "You aren't the candidate we are looking for. I'm sorry."
Well, for someone that wasn't even sure she was being led into full time work....I took this as an excruciating punch in the gut. I pride myself on being an excellent practioner and a great co-worker who is dedicated, works hard, and is a shit-ton of fun to work with!!! So...it felt personal! And what made it feel even more personal??? This group of anesthesia providers kind of controls the rest of the employment opportunities in town....so now, I've essentially been black-balled from working in the town in which I live. The wind was knocked from my sail....the storm had come in...and I felt like I was drowning.
But let me show you why I chose to believe in an amazing God....who makes my path straight! Let me explain why I'm making the decision to praise Him and give Him thanks during this trial. In the few short days since my interview and disappointing news, I have been reached via text, Facebook, devotional, and generalized reading with the messages I have re-captured for you below. I was not searching for these words...I was not actively seeking encouragement or words to lift me up (in fact...quite the opposite). These are simply the scheduled readings for my day....or a loving text....or someone else's post on Facebook. He speaks (sometimes more loudly than we realize)....and we should listen!!!
My God. In whom are all the springs of boundless love and grace unknown, hide me beneath Your spreading wings, til the dark cloud has blown over ~Prayer by Isaac Watts (Thanks mom...I love you!).
God NEVER stops building our faith. The day is coming when the things that scare you today will seem like no big deal. ~Christine Caine (Thanks Hallie for this quote).
As I look back on my life, I realize that every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better. ~ Author unknown (Thanks for sharing Deborah!)
"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord , have never forsaken those who seek you. "~Psalm 9:9, 10 NIV. (Thanks for reminding me of this great verse Shannon!)
This is difficult for us because we want the assurance not just of needs being met today, but we would like to know that tomorrow is going to be ok, and the next day too if we can. Trusting in God, though, often involves placing the future in God's hands and taking hold of what God has for us today. (From The God Story by Jacob Armstrong which is the Lenten study book we are reading at church).
Exert your will to trust Me in all circumstances. Don’t let your need to understand distract you from My Presence. I will equip you to get through this day victoriously, as you live in deep dependence on Me. Tomorrow is busy worrying about itself; don’t get tangled up in its worry-webs. Trust Me one day at a time. O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you. ~Psalm 84:12 (From my devotional the day after I was told I didn't get the job).
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