Do they see You in me?

I struggle with this question on a regular basis:

"Do they see YOU in me?"

 

 

 

Through the day to day....I know that many times.....they do not.  It's a hard statement to make, but I know that I do not reflect God's love and grace each and every day or with each and every encounter.

 

I'm hurried and in a rush.....often not taking the time to visit with the person behind me in line.  I am short and impatient....often to those that are closest to me.

 

I'm self-focused and self-absorbed....often not being present in the moment with those sitting right across from me at a table.

 

I am task oriented.....often not taking the time to look up and around to notice my surroundings or those in need around me.

 

I am a worrier.....spending too much time focusing on the "What if" or the "What now".

 

 

I recently had an anxiety provoking event.....that was temporarily crippling.  I let the devil come in....uninvited....to my new day.  But, I am proud to say, with God's grace and only through His strength....I was able to rise above, and hopefully, let God's light and love show through me.

I keep in contact with Mikki (Cristian's birth mom) via email.  We message back and forth every so often.  I send her encouragement that Cristian is healthy, happy, and loved.  I send her pictures and updates.  I let her know that I believe in her and that through God....she, too, is new every morning.

I have been very comfortable with this arrangement and correspondence, until last week..  I found out last Wednesday that Cristian's birth father is now out of prison....and that he and Mikki are planning to get married.  He had been in prison the entire time we were fostering Cristian, thus I have never met him.  Honestly, I never had to think about or be concerned with him.  Learning that he was out, and that he and Mikki are re-kindling their relationship caused me great anxiety.  Not because of any legal repercussion.....but, because the devil was planting seeds in my brain.  "What is this man capable of?"  "Will he come find us out of vengeance?  Is he angry and vindictive?"

 I began to feel overwhelmed with worry and concern....until I stopped.  I lost myself prayer and in the silence....and listened to God speak.  "Let them see Me."  So, as my anxiety began to dissipate and my heart began to soften....I reached out to Mikki.  I congratulated her and Jorge on their relationship and encouraged her to move forward with a Christ-centered relationship/ marriage.  I let her know of God's amazing love and that through him ANYTHING is possible. 

If not for my faith and the strength of God within me, I would not have been able to do this.  I would not have been able to let Mikki see Christ through me.  I continue to be humbled that God is using me in such a powerful way.  Not only did He bless me with two amazing children, but he is giving me the courage and heart to continue to reach out to the birth mothers of my children.

Dear precious Lord....thank you.  Thank you for teaching love!  I know that I fail each and every day to show your love to those around me....and I know that I can never truly embrace the kind of love that you teach.  But, praise be to you....the One that makes me new every morning.  I choose love and pray that through you, I am able to continue to show up, being present in the now....and let them see You in me.  I'm humbled to be your servant Lord.  Thank you.