One of my favorite prayer memories was on a morning last June 2012. It was shortly after we became licensed as foster parents. I was driving in the early hours one morning on my way to work (which is one of my favorite times to be in prayer). I looked ahead of me in the sky...and saw a scene much like this....
I began to pray to God...on those two stars. I prayed for the children that would come into our home. I prayed for safety in their current situations....unknown to me, but known to God. I prayed that Chris and I would be ready to provide a loving, stable home to these children. I prayed for those children by name....God's Will and God's Grace. If you were to ask me....if prayer really matters....I would think back on that morning and tell you....ABSOLUTELY!
We are currently doing a study in my Sunday school class centered around a book titled "Prayer...Does it Make Any Difference" by Philip Yancey. I speak up often during class....trying to reaffirm those in the class that prayer does in fact matter. I'm able to give examples in my own life...where without prayer, I would not have been able to gracefully and faithfully get through my days. But...then, in the quiet of my own brain, I doubt. I feel like a hypocrite....doubting the very premise that I speak about so often and with such confidence.
There are nights....when I lay awake, thinking about my life and its many blessings...but also thinking about all the hurt tied into foster parenting. I can't stop myself from thinking about "Tank's" birth mother. Does she pray? Has she asked God to help her with her problem of addiction? Does she feel that her prayers matter....as she sits alone pondering her life. A life that includes a minimal support system which includes physical/ emotional abuse. A life that includes substance abuse...which has become her source of comfort in difficult times. A life that includes having all of her children removed from her home....because she was unable to provide a safe environment. Tank's birth mom did not have her children removed because she didn't love them. I have NEVER doubted her love for Tank. She has led a life that I know nothing about....one that I can not even begin to relate to or understand. And in this life, her demons were more than she could handle. Or at least...more than she could handle alone. Does she know there is a God....who is with her ALWAYS? A God...through whom ALL things are possible! Does she pray? If she does....do her prayers matter?
Sometimes, I have dark days....when I wonder....in this life here on Earth, which is simply a speck in the universe, do my prayers....or Tank's birth mom's prayers matter? Two vastly different women...from two totally different environments....praying. Is He listening to either one of us? What if He had to choose....who to listen to? We are both broken and we both need His continual love and grace. However, in the late of night, when my mind is running amuck...I think to myself that if He has to choose....I want Him to choose her.
But then....on a night like last night, when I'm rocking Tank before bed, and I say..."it's time for prayers buddy." And without my demonstrating ....I see him do this
I'm reminded....again, by a 19 month old child....that God is listening. He's listening to all of us. He desires, with all His heart, to have a relationship with each of us. Each of us are blessed...and each of us are broken! And adult and child alike, He is listening for our prayers. He wants to be in constant conversation with us because we matter! Our prayers matter....and He is listening.
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