Dear Guilt....

Dear Guilt:

You came to visit me on Thursday.

I've never had a feeling like you overwhelm me like that before, and honestly, I would be just fine if our paths didn't cross again.  How dare you come in here and try to rain on my parade.....when I'm gearing up for one of the greatest days of my life.

Floods of emails, texts, Facebook post, phone calls....all voicing joy and elation for our upcoming adoption of "Tank" on Monday.  Each one....expressing excitement and sharing love and support as we embark on the final step of making our little family "court official".

Guilt...were you jealous? Because on Thursday afternoon, you crept your way in...invading my mind and grasping my heart in a vice causing it to gasp for air.

Am I doing exactly what I said I never wanted to do....becoming a mom at the expense of another mom?  Guilt...you made me feel like I was heartless....ripping this child away from his mother.  Taking him away from the life he was supposed to lead....one surround by his "REAL" family....real siblings, real mother.  I felt like a criminal...depriving a woman of her opportunity to love her child and give him the world.

Yes, I know....I did not "physically" take him away.  He was removed for his safety during a time when she couldn't provide a safe home for him.  But...now, does she have it together?  Has she found the source of strength to do right by her children?  The other four have been returned to her care....and she has since had another baby.  Why "Tank"....why is he the only one not left in place in that home? 

Guilt...you were strong on Thursday.

But...I'm a child too!  A child of a Father.....who loves and protects and guides me.  A Father who will never forsake me and will be with me always.

You didn't win guilt.  I committed no crimes!  I loved a child...one of the least of these, when I was asked to step in and love.  I followed a divine plan laid before me by God....the one who makes my path straight.  And I showed and continue to show support and compassion to a woman who is continuing to search for her way.  She knows of my love for her son...MY son.  And she is thankful!

So...I release you...GUILT!  Be on your way.  Because you have no place here!  This heart is full of LOVE and only love.