When you decide to embark on the land of parenting, you are faced with great anticipation (whether naturally or through fostering or adopting....it's all the same!). It's like waiting to get on the see-saw at the park when you were a kid. You know that you are going to go up and down....and up and down. Constant movement....with that feeling in your stomach as you rise and fall. No surprises....nothing unexpected. It's a little bit up....and a little bit down.....but constantly moving.
Well, then it's your turn. You get on your side of the see-saw and you start out....up and down, up and down....uuuppppp and dooooowwwwnnnn. THEN....this happens!!!
You are on the up side....being held in the sky! Wind blowing through your hair....a beautiful view....it's amazing! You are quite aware that you must come down! However....you sure do enjoy it while you are being lifted and held up....so high in the sky.
Then, the kid you are see-sawing with has to go....so you let him off and another kid gets on. She is littler than you....light as a feather. You begin to see-saw.....and you find your butt STUCK IN THE SAND!
She's up....and there you are, sitting on the ground where you feel like you are embedded into the Earth below you. It may take shovels, large equipment and a crew of several large men to get you out. This is not NEARLY as much fun as it was when you were hoisted way up in there air and you want off!
When I started having that feeling....that I was riding a see-saw through motherhood, I felt a little guilty. How could I not be enjoying every minute of this ride? I mean....I've been gifted with two amazing gifts. I've been entrusted to love and nurture two of God's most precious creations. I should be loving this ALL the time.
But the reality is....sometimes I feel stuck in the sand. Sometimes, my butt is so heavy on the one end of the see-saw....that I'm not sure why I got on in the first place. I get frustrated....I get tired....I get a sense of longing for the life that once existed....PRE-CHILD!
And then, I see this
Or watch this
Or read this
Behold, children are a gift from Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate. Psalm 127:3-5
And I suddenly find myself lifted.....back up in the air....hoisted high in the sky with that amazing view and awesome breeze. The times when you breathe in the smell of their skin....watch the shallow, rhythmic rise of their chest while they sleep...or get overwhelmed by the smile that greets you when you get home from work (they don't know if your day was good or bad).
I think I can honestly say that I love and appreciate being on this "Up" end of the see-saw sooooo much more because of the times when I was stuck in the sand on the "Down" end. It was during those times that I sought God in prayer. It was during those times that I asked for guidance, patience, wisdom.....but also, praised Him in thanksgiving that I had been honored with the responsibility to parent two of His children (even when it's so hard!).
Enjoy the see-saw fellow parents.....BOTH sides of the see-saw! I know....you just want to roll off into the sand when you are stuck on the "Down" side and let the little girl on the "Up" side fall! I ABSOLUTELY get it! And if you must....roll off and walk away for a bit. But, then dust your butt off and get back on the See-saw.....because this God-gifted ride is about to hoist you RIGHT BACK UP!
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