Mommy See-sawing!

So....there is this thing.  I've dubbed it "Mommy See-Sawing".  And it goes a little something like this!

When you decide to embark on the land of parenting, you are faced with great anticipation (whether naturally or through fostering or adopting....it's all the same!). It's like waiting to get on the see-saw at the park when you were a kid. You know that you are going to go up and down....and up and down.  Constant movement....with that feeling in your stomach as you rise and fall.  No surprises....nothing unexpected.  It's a little bit up....and a little bit down.....but constantly moving.

Well, then it's your turn.  You get on your side of the see-saw and you start out....up and down, up and down....uuuppppp and dooooowwwwnnnn.  THEN....this happens!!!

You are on the up side....being held in the sky!  Wind blowing through your hair....a beautiful view....it's amazing!  You are quite aware that you must come down!  However....you sure do enjoy it while you are being lifted and held up....so high in the sky.

Then, the kid you are see-sawing with has to go....so you let him off and another kid gets on.  She is littler than you....light as a feather.  You begin to see-saw.....and you find your butt STUCK IN THE SAND!

She's up....and there you are, sitting on the ground where you feel like you are embedded into the Earth below you.  It may take shovels, large equipment and a crew of several large men to get you out.  This is not NEARLY as much fun as it was when you were hoisted way up in there air and you want off!

When I started having that feeling....that I was riding a see-saw through motherhood, I felt a little guilty.  How could I not be enjoying every minute of this ride?  I mean....I've been gifted with two amazing gifts.  I've been entrusted to love and nurture two of God's most precious creations.  I should be loving this ALL the time. 

But the reality is....sometimes I feel stuck in the sand.  Sometimes, my butt is so heavy on the one end of the see-saw....that I'm not sure why I got on in the first place.  I get frustrated....I get tired....I get a sense of longing for the life that once existed....PRE-CHILD!

And then, I see this
 

Or watch this

Or read this
 

Behold, children are a gift from Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.  Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth.  How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.  Psalm 127:3-5

And I suddenly find myself lifted.....back up in the air....hoisted high in the sky with that amazing view and awesome breeze.  The times when you breathe in the smell of their skin....watch the shallow, rhythmic rise of their chest while they sleep...or get overwhelmed by the smile that greets you when you get home from work (they don't know if your day was good or bad).

I think I can honestly say that I love and appreciate being on this "Up" end of the see-saw sooooo much more because of the times when I was stuck in the sand on the "Down" end.  It was during those times that I sought God in prayer.  It was during those times that I asked for guidance, patience, wisdom.....but also, praised Him in thanksgiving that I had been honored with the responsibility to parent two of His children (even when it's so hard!).

Enjoy the see-saw fellow parents.....BOTH sides of the see-saw!  I know....you just want to roll off into the sand when you are stuck on the "Down" side and let the little girl on the "Up" side fall!  I ABSOLUTELY get it!  And if you must....roll off and walk away for a bit.  But, then dust your butt off and get back on the See-saw.....because this God-gifted ride is about to hoist you RIGHT BACK UP!

Beautiful day...THREE WEEKS AGO!

Well, to say I have been a slacker would not be entirely correct, BUT....if the shoe fits, I guess I will wear it! That is as long as they are not heels...I hate heels!

Honestly, some part of me thought...ok, the adoption is over, the chaos is done, the uncertainty and fear has come to an end.....which means what?  I'm going to have so much time and energy to do great things....organize/ clean my home, start meal planning, blog about new/fresh stuff, read a book for pleasure, and of course, be the most amazing mom/wife my kids and husband have ever seen.

Well....NONE of that is happening.  Everything just sped up....we got busier, we over-committed, and we jumped on a crazy train.  But....I'M LOVING IT - most days! (see upcoming blog entry on that topic!)

I, did however, not want one more single day to go by without a brief re-cap of that AWESOME day 3 weeks ago....

AUGUST 19, 2013

The day we adopted WILLIAM CRISTIAN VAUGHT

The morning started off with Cristian and I heading to the dentist!  It would be the last time EVER I would have to carry this bad boy along with me!

The dreaded foster child paperwork binder

You see, as a foster parent with a foster child in your home....you have to do an onslaught of paperwork for everything you do...every day, every medicine, every appointment, every time you go out of town, every time you go to the park.....CONSTANT paperwork.  But after today....tat would be no longer!

Then, we were off to the church for a brunch that some awesome friends decided to put on for us before heading to court.  To say we have an amazing support system would be an understatement.  It is hard for me to explain the feeling I get when I think of the support (both from family and our family by choice)....so overwhelming.  Chris and I made a prayerful choice to enter the world of foster care - a world of uncertainty, frustration, heartache.....but also a world of joy, growth, and amazing unbridled love.  The family and friends that have been along for this ride.....they did not sign up for this.  This was not their journey....it was not their call.....it was not their plan. 

Or was it???  I have no doubt that God placed us right where we were supposed to be for this ministry....with people that He called to be along side us on the journey.  And for each and everyone of them....I'm eternally grateful!  They have loved and prayed for Cristian...since day one....everyday.....just like he was already "one of theirs".  But I guess...in all honestly, he was already "one of theirs" because we are all HIS.  Thank you....that is all this mama can say!  THANK YOU!

Here are some pictures from the brunch with family and friends!

Us with the St Luke's Staff!

Then, we all loaded up and headed to Odessa to the courthouse.  The entire church staff boarded the church bus...in matching "TEAM TANK" shirts and met us there.

This is what our court room looked like once we all filed in and took our seats.

The next 20 minutes were simply the most amazing, heart-warming minutes one could ever have....especially in a courtroom!  :-)  Chris and I both had to take the stand to speak about our life with Cristian and our love for our little guy.  Information was presented to let the judge know....that not only were we suitable for the parenting of Cristian, but WE were the right ones....the ones chosen by God (according to our lawyer) to love and parent Cristian.  One of the most fun, coolest moments....which unfortunately, could not be caught on camera....was when Chris was on the stand. Cristian hopped right out of my lap, marched right up the stairs to the stand, and climbed into Dada's lap.  It was BEAUTIFUL!

Then, there was a moment when I was sure CPS was going to step BACK in and say....hold up, maybe NOT such a good idea!  Cristian was insistent on spending the final 5 minutes of the court hearing running in circles up the ramp and down the ramp....carrying a pen that he had been using to draw.  YIKES!  Yep that's us....great parents, providing a super safe home!  :-)

Anyway....the judge made it so...the paperwork was signed...and Cristian became William Cristian Vaught, our son...forever!

Here are some additional pictures of our moment in court

Our lawyer Shane Stokes and the Judge

Our Awesome Buckner Adoption Agency family

Us, Cristian, and his wonderful, loving grandparents!

What an amazing support system for this little guy....and for us!

It was a day that I will remember forever....a day we will celebrate every year.  August 19th....you have become one of my favorite days of all time!