Our Reality

We are in early March...and everything is in a holding pattern, both with "Tank" and with Baby Girl.  There is nothing new to report....nothing new going on....just moving day to day like every other normal family.

Only...we are not normal....we are not typical.  This journey we are on, while not unique....it is not "normal". 

However....it is our journey...our beautiful story...our reality.

My reality....

~ I pick up a playroom full of toys at least 3 times a day...knowing "Tank the Tornado" will be back...SOON!

~ I wipe someone else's snotty nose and clean someone else's dirty butt MANY more times a day than my own these days.

~ I go to bed early...REALLY early!  And I'm totally ok with it!

~ The child in my home has WAY more new clothes than I do.

~ I smile and laugh...and my heart is warmed everytime I see his little smile shining up at me!

~We go to the park, to playdates, to church, to daycare, to visit family....we simply GO GO GO!

~ I think I say things like "That's a blue block....or The Cow goes Moooo" in my sleep.

BUT....

~ I can not say my child's name on social media or post pictures of his beautiful face.

~ While he calls me mama....and I love him as a mama should, he is not yet my son.

~ I have to fill out paperwork every week....documenting every does of Motrin and antibiotic I give, recording every activity he participated in, notating every doctors appointment, and clarifying every bruise and scrape.

~ I rock a child at night, kiss his head, and tell him I love him....knowing that he may leave my home next month.

~ I spend much of my free time reading about foster parenting, adoption, attachment disorders, and successful techniques to promote bonding....because those issues are/will be a part of my life.

~ We laugh...we sing....we dance....we play, but sometimes...no matter how much joy is in my home, there is a cloud looming that represents our life's current situation.

I love my reality!  I would not change my reality, but sometimes....it's hard, REALLY hard.  But...again....we are not unique.  Sometimes...reality is just hard....for everyone!

For Chris and I, we simply followed God to the space He called us to fill and we said “Yes”.  We said “yes” to the joy and excitement of becoming parents, but we also said “yes” to the discomfort, the ache, the pain that comes with this love.  Fostering has deepened our understanding of God’s love for us and has taught us how to “try” to love with that kind of love.  It has allowed us the chance to enter the depths of love where it isn’t all fun and easy.  God has empowered us to love these babies with His love, despite our weaknesses and shortcomings.