Our Family: From 2 to 4!: October 2013

She was small....beautiful....amazing! She was love....hope....joy.....all wrapped into one little bundle. She was our first! Our first foster child....our first call to parenting.....our first of God's children to love.

Her name....Cambryn (although we called her "nugget" in social media land)! She stayed with us only three weeks....but our hearts were forever emblazed with her mark. She taught us what it meant to love....like God loves (or try to!). To love unconditionally....to love boldly and with reckless abandon! She put stretch marks all over our hearts....stretch marks that have never gone away.

We have prayed for her daily. We've asked God to please assure her safety. We've prayed that she is loved deeply. We have prayed that she is being raised in a Christian home where she will know the love of God and be taught to be a beautiful woman of faith.

But since that day.....July 17th, 2012, when Cambryn left our home....there has been a lack of peace. A concern....a discomfort and uncertainty that has haunted us. She was picked up and taken away in a flash....just as quickly as the day she was dropped off. It was painful....probably one of the most painful days of my life. And even in our joy....as we continued our journey into parenthood....the pain remained! Where is she? How is she? Will we ever know? Please dear God...let her know love!

WELL.....I can now say....WE KNOW!! She is safe! She is loved! She is being raised to know she is a precious, amazing child of God....a gift that was wonderfully made!

Through the amazing reach of "Facebook Arms"....we have been able to be connected with Cambryn's parents! Through a chance and bizarre crossing of paths.....my cousin discovered that she knows the awesome couple that adopted Cambryn. She was taken from our home....and placed in their loving arms. And now...we have been connected! A connection that can only be God designed... divinely orchestrated!

Thank you dear heavenly Father....for your love! Thank you for your promise of a new day. Thank you for your peace! May we be pleasing to you as we take up the call to love your children.

So....two weeks ago, we had a little family photo shoot. I was so ridiculously excited about this...I can hardly put it into words.

I went on the hunt for the perfect outfits....met with an amazing photographer....planned the day out with great precision. I had conjured up in my mind what our "perfect" little family was supposed to look like and how this photo shoot was supposed to go down.

We would have great documentation of our lives....right now....as we are currently living them. Smiling....laughing.....playing....enjoying each other! Everyone would see the cherubic faces of my two littles. A person would be able to see the love between Chris and I....and our devotion to not only one another, but also to our amazing children. Scarlett would smile on cue....even though she is only 3 1/2 months old. Cristian would pose and flirt with the camera....making everyone's hearts melt. It was going to be an amazing day!

In my distorted, small mind...I actually thought my expectations were grounded and realistic!

Well...much to my surprise....I WAS SADLY MISTAKEN! And...for a brief moment, I was devastated!

Seriously....I wanted this to go perfect! I NEEDED this to go perfect! I've waited and prayed for this perfect family for sooooo long....and I looked at this opportunity to document our "perfection" as a gift.

PERFECT.....to be completely free from faults or defects! (Webster)

It was an outside shoot (by my choosing)....it was 98 degrees outside (not my choosing)...and we were dressed in fall attire. Scarlett had sweated through her outfit before we even got her out of the car!

We stopped at water fountains first! FIRST! Good plan....NOT! Cristian was AWESOME there...carefree....loving throwing acorns into the fountain. Then.....came the time to change locations.

CUE melt down! He wouldn't smile....he wouldn't get on the bench....he wouldn't cooperate. He would cry....he would throw his water bottle down in anger.....he would become a limp noodle and refuse to walk. It was....NOT PERFECT!

Our amazing photographer says..."I think we've shot enough for today. I don't want him to hate me or coming to my studio. We pushed him far enough."

I was heart-broken. There is NO way she could have captured anything that resembled happiness, joy, and love in this photo shoot. I'm not even sure I want to come back and look at them. And in her reassuring, calm voice....Angie says "I think you will be surprised. It will be journalistic....not posed. But, I think you will be surprised. And...it is capturing you as you are....NOW. Where you are now! What your family looks like....NOW."

So, I had three days to ponder that. Where are we now? Some days, I don't even know. But what I do know is...we are a family brought together by God. We are answered prayers. We are love and nurturing, crazy and zany, frustration and confusion, patience and forgiveness, growing and learning, faithful and devoutly HIS.....all wrapped into one big "PERFECT" happy family of four!

PERFECT: Having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics. (Webster)

I had lofty expectations....set too high. Unrealistic! And...because of that, I missed out on being in the moment! I missed out on just loving us....right where we are....right NOW! I missed out on noticing that we have all the required, desirable elements and characteristics; therefore meaning: we are "perfect"!

An important lesson learned! A lesson that will shape our family for many years to come!

And guess what....Angie got some GREAT photos as well! Of course....I'm only sharing the "perfect ones"....but take a look!