Dear Guilt:
You came to visit me on Thursday.
I've never had a feeling like you overwhelm me like that before, and honestly, I would be just fine if our paths didn't cross again. How dare you come in here and try to rain on my parade.....when I'm gearing up for one of the greatest days of my life.
Floods of emails, texts, Facebook post, phone calls....all voicing joy and elation for our upcoming adoption of "Tank" on Monday. Each one....expressing excitement and sharing love and support as we embark on the final step of making our little family "court official".
Guilt...were you jealous? Because on Thursday afternoon, you crept your way in...invading my mind and grasping my heart in a vice causing it to gasp for air.
Am I doing exactly what I said I never wanted to do....becoming a mom at the expense of another mom? Guilt...you made me feel like I was heartless....ripping this child away from his mother. Taking him away from the life he was supposed to lead....one surround by his "REAL" family....real siblings, real mother. I felt like a criminal...depriving a woman of her opportunity to love her child and give him the world.
Yes, I know....I did not "physically" take him away. He was removed for his safety during a time when she couldn't provide a safe home for him. But...now, does she have it together? Has she found the source of strength to do right by her children? The other four have been returned to her care....and she has since had another baby. Why "Tank"....why is he the only one not left in place in that home?
Guilt...you were strong on Thursday.
But...I'm a child too! A child of a Father.....who loves and protects and guides me. A Father who will never forsake me and will be with me always.
You didn't win guilt. I committed no crimes! I loved a child...one of the least of these, when I was asked to step in and love. I followed a divine plan laid before me by God....the one who makes my path straight. And I showed and continue to show support and compassion to a woman who is continuing to search for her way. She knows of my love for her son...MY son. And she is thankful!
So...I release you...GUILT! Be on your way. Because you have no place here! This heart is full of LOVE and only love.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
Prayer....does it matter?
If you've been reading at all, you know how I feel about prayer.
One of my favorite prayer memories was on a morning last June 2012. It was shortly after we became licensed as foster parents. I was driving in the early hours one morning on my way to work (which is one of my favorite times to be in prayer). I looked ahead of me in the sky...and saw a scene much like this....
I began to pray to God...on those two stars. I prayed for the children that would come into our home. I prayed for safety in their current situations....unknown to me, but known to God. I prayed that Chris and I would be ready to provide a loving, stable home to these children. I prayed for those children by name....God's Will and God's Grace. If you were to ask me....if prayer really matters....I would think back on that morning and tell you....ABSOLUTELY!
We are currently doing a study in my Sunday school class centered around a book titled "Prayer...Does it Make Any Difference" by Philip Yancey. I speak up often during class....trying to reaffirm those in the class that prayer does in fact matter. I'm able to give examples in my own life...where without prayer, I would not have been able to gracefully and faithfully get through my days. But...then, in the quiet of my own brain, I doubt. I feel like a hypocrite....doubting the very premise that I speak about so often and with such confidence.
There are nights....when I lay awake, thinking about my life and its many blessings...but also thinking about all the hurt tied into foster parenting. I can't stop myself from thinking about "Tank's" birth mother. Does she pray? Has she asked God to help her with her problem of addiction? Does she feel that her prayers matter....as she sits alone pondering her life. A life that includes a minimal support system which includes physical/ emotional abuse. A life that includes substance abuse...which has become her source of comfort in difficult times. A life that includes having all of her children removed from her home....because she was unable to provide a safe environment. Tank's birth mom did not have her children removed because she didn't love them. I have NEVER doubted her love for Tank. She has led a life that I know nothing about....one that I can not even begin to relate to or understand. And in this life, her demons were more than she could handle. Or at least...more than she could handle alone. Does she know there is a God....who is with her ALWAYS? A God...through whom ALL things are possible! Does she pray? If she does....do her prayers matter?
Sometimes, I have dark days....when I wonder....in this life here on Earth, which is simply a speck in the universe, do my prayers....or Tank's birth mom's prayers matter? Two vastly different women...from two totally different environments....praying. Is He listening to either one of us? What if He had to choose....who to listen to? We are both broken and we both need His continual love and grace. However, in the late of night, when my mind is running amuck...I think to myself that if He has to choose....I want Him to choose her.
But then....on a night like last night, when I'm rocking Tank before bed, and I say..."it's time for prayers buddy." And without my demonstrating ....I see him do this
One of my favorite prayer memories was on a morning last June 2012. It was shortly after we became licensed as foster parents. I was driving in the early hours one morning on my way to work (which is one of my favorite times to be in prayer). I looked ahead of me in the sky...and saw a scene much like this....
I began to pray to God...on those two stars. I prayed for the children that would come into our home. I prayed for safety in their current situations....unknown to me, but known to God. I prayed that Chris and I would be ready to provide a loving, stable home to these children. I prayed for those children by name....God's Will and God's Grace. If you were to ask me....if prayer really matters....I would think back on that morning and tell you....ABSOLUTELY!
We are currently doing a study in my Sunday school class centered around a book titled "Prayer...Does it Make Any Difference" by Philip Yancey. I speak up often during class....trying to reaffirm those in the class that prayer does in fact matter. I'm able to give examples in my own life...where without prayer, I would not have been able to gracefully and faithfully get through my days. But...then, in the quiet of my own brain, I doubt. I feel like a hypocrite....doubting the very premise that I speak about so often and with such confidence.
There are nights....when I lay awake, thinking about my life and its many blessings...but also thinking about all the hurt tied into foster parenting. I can't stop myself from thinking about "Tank's" birth mother. Does she pray? Has she asked God to help her with her problem of addiction? Does she feel that her prayers matter....as she sits alone pondering her life. A life that includes a minimal support system which includes physical/ emotional abuse. A life that includes substance abuse...which has become her source of comfort in difficult times. A life that includes having all of her children removed from her home....because she was unable to provide a safe environment. Tank's birth mom did not have her children removed because she didn't love them. I have NEVER doubted her love for Tank. She has led a life that I know nothing about....one that I can not even begin to relate to or understand. And in this life, her demons were more than she could handle. Or at least...more than she could handle alone. Does she know there is a God....who is with her ALWAYS? A God...through whom ALL things are possible! Does she pray? If she does....do her prayers matter?
Sometimes, I have dark days....when I wonder....in this life here on Earth, which is simply a speck in the universe, do my prayers....or Tank's birth mom's prayers matter? Two vastly different women...from two totally different environments....praying. Is He listening to either one of us? What if He had to choose....who to listen to? We are both broken and we both need His continual love and grace. However, in the late of night, when my mind is running amuck...I think to myself that if He has to choose....I want Him to choose her.
But then....on a night like last night, when I'm rocking Tank before bed, and I say..."it's time for prayers buddy." And without my demonstrating ....I see him do this
I'm reminded....again, by a 19 month old child....that God is listening. He's listening to all of us. He desires, with all His heart, to have a relationship with each of us. Each of us are blessed...and each of us are broken! And adult and child alike, He is listening for our prayers. He wants to be in constant conversation with us because we matter! Our prayers matter....and He is listening.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Changes....inside and out!
So....it's been a little over one month since my last blog entry. I would love to say I have so many things to report....so many updates. But...I don't have to much to say! Only.....that things are changing!
Here are some "change-type" observations/ realizations....
1. Sleep...no matter how much I get....is not enough!
2. Laundry is a hateful chore....that is becoming ridiculous around here! How do two little people generate so much frikkin laundry....and when will they be able to do their own?
3. I hate bottles! Not giving the actual feedings...but the cleaning, preparing, storing! I hate bottles!
4. Diaper bags are stupid! They take up too much space. Get a bigger purse....put two diapers, wipes, a couple of non-mixed bottles, and a backup onesie in it....and get on your way! I'm boycotting diaper bags! Now....next week I may regret that statement....but here's for trying!
5. My years as a pediatric ER nurse have served me well! Both kids....fed, diapers changed, safe...and SCREAMING! I can TOTALLY block that crap out! I think of it as a gift.
6. Poop is poop! Whoever said changing baby diapers isn't as bad as changing adults diapers....is in denial! POOP IS POOP! And it smells....bad!
7. My fashion sense...which was already bad, is now HORRIBLE.
8. Picking battles! And picking them wisely. "Stop eating dirt Tank!" "Tank....stop. Oh forget it, do you want your sippy cup to wash it down?"
9. Talking to other moms about mom stuff is....well....important! It saves my sanity! I HATED listening to moms when I wasn't a mom. I thought "Come on ladies....talk adult talk already. It's good for you to step out of the mom talk!" While I still believe this to be true....my mama friends are saving me!
10. I TOTALLY have TWO...count em...TWO kids. And I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm giving it my very best!
Here are some "change-type" observations/ realizations....
THE OUTSIDE CHANGES
1. Sleep...no matter how much I get....is not enough!
2. Laundry is a hateful chore....that is becoming ridiculous around here! How do two little people generate so much frikkin laundry....and when will they be able to do their own?
3. I hate bottles! Not giving the actual feedings...but the cleaning, preparing, storing! I hate bottles!
4. Diaper bags are stupid! They take up too much space. Get a bigger purse....put two diapers, wipes, a couple of non-mixed bottles, and a backup onesie in it....and get on your way! I'm boycotting diaper bags! Now....next week I may regret that statement....but here's for trying!
5. My years as a pediatric ER nurse have served me well! Both kids....fed, diapers changed, safe...and SCREAMING! I can TOTALLY block that crap out! I think of it as a gift.
6. Poop is poop! Whoever said changing baby diapers isn't as bad as changing adults diapers....is in denial! POOP IS POOP! And it smells....bad!
7. My fashion sense...which was already bad, is now HORRIBLE.
8. Picking battles! And picking them wisely. "Stop eating dirt Tank!" "Tank....stop. Oh forget it, do you want your sippy cup to wash it down?"
9. Talking to other moms about mom stuff is....well....important! It saves my sanity! I HATED listening to moms when I wasn't a mom. I thought "Come on ladies....talk adult talk already. It's good for you to step out of the mom talk!" While I still believe this to be true....my mama friends are saving me!
10. I TOTALLY have TWO...count em...TWO kids. And I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm giving it my very best!
INSIDE CHANGES
1. I have TWO kids....and I have no idea what I'm doing. I think about this issue all the time, but I'm guessing I'm not alone.
2. I have mom guilt. I didn't know what this was....but a friend told me that's what I was experiencing. YUCK!
3. I read on another blog that today's society maybe a "Tumbleweed Generation". No Roots....we become dissatisfied in our work, church, with friends, with our spouse....so we bail out. I would say we "uproot", but tumble weeds don't have roots. That's the problem! I'm working to dig deeper...reach further.....water and cultivate more thoroughly....so my kids will know roots. God wants us to be "rooted"!
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.” ~ Jeremiah 17:7-8
4. I have a new norm! It may not always be easy and sometimes I find myself working to get back to the old norm...saying "When things get back to normal, I'll.....". I have a new norm and sometimes it's not easy, but it is beautiful and it's mine. So, the sooner I embrace that....the easier this "norm" is going to be! (At least that's what I'm told!)
5. Going along with the new norm.... is being in the moment. Appreciating the now! It's the only now we get. The only Saturday, July 27, 2013 I will ever see....so what did I do with it? I appreciated it! Life is a gift. It is short. Be thankful for each day. Enjoy the blessings of each new day, living each day thankfully and gratefully, not living in the past or taking life for granted.
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" ~ 1 Thessalonians 4:16-18
"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."~ Psalm 118:24
Boy....this was kind of a deep one! Deep, but truthful....even the parts about the stinky diapers!
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
"Tank-a-roo" Update!!!!!!!
It's Tuesday, June 25th....10 days after our little blessing, Miss Scarlett, entered our lives. The last 10 days have been nothing short of amazing...and exhausting!!! She's doing really well and is quite a laid back little girl. She seems to be adjusting to our chaos pretty well (as if she has a choice - hehehe)...and our "chaos" seems to be adjusting to her much better than expected!
But today....I want to bring everyone up to speed on our awesome little dude "Tank"!
We had a court hearing for him today. I always like seeing those on my calendar, but I also HATE seeing those on my calendar. They mean....potential for progress OR they mean....potential for derailment and disaster!
TODAY.....Praise God!!! We made progress....HUGE progress. "Tanks" case has officially been moved to the adoptions unit. We met our adoption case worker today at court. We filled out some necessary paperwork to get things moving. We had...what will hopefully be....our second to LAST court hearing. It was a status hearing...where the caseworker stated that the case was moved into adoptions, "Tank" is in a loving home ready to adopt him, and all systems are a go to move that process along.
I really should go hop on the scale....because I'm sure to have lost at least 50 pounds after that weight was lifted from our shoulders. Finally....a feeling of hope and resolution....a feeling of relief....a feeling that you can finally take a breath to the depths of your lungs that you have not been able to reach in months. I keep trying to think of an analogy that does this scenario...this feeling....this journey justice...and I keep coming up empty, but this is close!! :-)
Imagine if you will....being out on the ocean on a small floatation device. You look at the amazing-ness of God's vast handiwork...you stare up at the beautiful sky taking in each sunset and each sunrise....each cloud and each star. While you are enamoured by the beauty and wonder....you remember, REPEATEDLY, that you have a job to do. You have to get to safety....you have to make it to your destination....you have to reach land. You kick and kick, praying to God to give you strength. You feel tired and discouraged, and often you want to just give up. At one point, you look on the horizon....and you see the rain storm that is about to hit. You struggle to stay afloat while you are beat down by torrential rains, but...then the clouds part. You look up and see a colorful rainbow that takes your breath away. You remember why you are on this journey....a journey that was laid before you by God. You regain strength....you kick that much harder. You begin to soak up all the many experiences along the way...the dolphins swimming along side you....the sun rays peaking through storm clouds that look like golden fingers extending to Earth. You begin to embrace the journey, instead of focusing solely on the destination. And then...only in that very moment....you look ahead and see land. And you breathe....you finally breathe the most deep, cleansing breath you've ever experienced. And....you thank God! You thank Him for the journey....you thank Him that it was hard....you thank Him for the beauty along the way, but most importantly, you thank Him for His love that carried you every last kick, stroke, and breath!
Get ready world....by the end of July...."Tank" will officially be a Vaught! And finally...FINALLY...I will get show you the boy that calls me Mama....that smile that is my rainbow....the face that takes my breath away! I love you son!
But today....I want to bring everyone up to speed on our awesome little dude "Tank"!
We had a court hearing for him today. I always like seeing those on my calendar, but I also HATE seeing those on my calendar. They mean....potential for progress OR they mean....potential for derailment and disaster!
TODAY.....Praise God!!! We made progress....HUGE progress. "Tanks" case has officially been moved to the adoptions unit. We met our adoption case worker today at court. We filled out some necessary paperwork to get things moving. We had...what will hopefully be....our second to LAST court hearing. It was a status hearing...where the caseworker stated that the case was moved into adoptions, "Tank" is in a loving home ready to adopt him, and all systems are a go to move that process along.
I really should go hop on the scale....because I'm sure to have lost at least 50 pounds after that weight was lifted from our shoulders. Finally....a feeling of hope and resolution....a feeling of relief....a feeling that you can finally take a breath to the depths of your lungs that you have not been able to reach in months. I keep trying to think of an analogy that does this scenario...this feeling....this journey justice...and I keep coming up empty, but this is close!! :-)
Imagine if you will....being out on the ocean on a small floatation device. You look at the amazing-ness of God's vast handiwork...you stare up at the beautiful sky taking in each sunset and each sunrise....each cloud and each star. While you are enamoured by the beauty and wonder....you remember, REPEATEDLY, that you have a job to do. You have to get to safety....you have to make it to your destination....you have to reach land. You kick and kick, praying to God to give you strength. You feel tired and discouraged, and often you want to just give up. At one point, you look on the horizon....and you see the rain storm that is about to hit. You struggle to stay afloat while you are beat down by torrential rains, but...then the clouds part. You look up and see a colorful rainbow that takes your breath away. You remember why you are on this journey....a journey that was laid before you by God. You regain strength....you kick that much harder. You begin to soak up all the many experiences along the way...the dolphins swimming along side you....the sun rays peaking through storm clouds that look like golden fingers extending to Earth. You begin to embrace the journey, instead of focusing solely on the destination. And then...only in that very moment....you look ahead and see land. And you breathe....you finally breathe the most deep, cleansing breath you've ever experienced. And....you thank God! You thank Him for the journey....you thank Him that it was hard....you thank Him for the beauty along the way, but most importantly, you thank Him for His love that carried you every last kick, stroke, and breath!
Get ready world....by the end of July...."Tank" will officially be a Vaught! And finally...FINALLY...I will get show you the boy that calls me Mama....that smile that is my rainbow....the face that takes my breath away! I love you son!
Friday, June 21, 2013
Welcome Scarlett Grace Vaught!
We've been home since Monday, and I'm still in disbelief of the wonderful adoption story that unfolded over the weekend. To say we are blessed....just doesn't seem to do things justice (and frankly, I think I say that phrase to much!) But, honestly, I am blessed....and continue to be over and over again.
Now...grab some coffee...sit back...and enjoy (this is a long one....but an amazing one!)
I picked up Jenn at 7:00, so we could get her dog dropped off, pick up her cousin Abby, and get to the hospital by 7:30. After getting checked in...the normal "induction" stuff commenced (computer charting, IV starting, lab drawing, medicine administering). Unfortunately, Jenn's progression was slow...which for a hungry, pregnant woman...was miserable. For me...I actually enjoyed being at the hospital all day....just visiting with Jenn and sharing pieces of our lives with one another, through stories and pictures. Jenn met my parents (who will be Scarlett's Poppie and Bb), and my brother (Uncle Shawn), which I think gave her continued comfort....meeting the extended family that will be loving her little girl.
There was discussion at one point of possibly halting the induction, and starting again the following day. But...things started to move along and progress....so off to the races we went. I sent Chris home because we had no idea when things would REALLY get cooking, and I was to call him once it was "GO" time.
Jenn napped on and off...and I just laid there on my little cot...thinking of what was about to unfold. The rush of varying emotions is not really something I can even explain on paper. While thrilled and excited...I was also plagued with fear, anxiety and sadness. I can say...it's quite overwhelming to be experiencing ALL those emotions at one time.
Fast forward to 1:30am....Jenn was now complete and it was time to start pushing and bring this little miracle into the world. I called Chris and told him to make his way to the hospital (he didn't need to rush, as he was not going to be in the delivery room). Jenn's Aunt Susie, Cousin Abby, and myself were gifted with the honor of being in the delivery room with Jenn. She started pushing at 1:55am and Scarlett Grace entered the world at 2:13!! She weighed 7 pounds 11 ounces...and was 20 inches long.
As the I cut the umbilical cord...I was over come with tears and emotion, and my breath was actually stifled...as I had just been a part of an amazing miracle. I had just watched one of the most courageous women I know....give birth to her daughter....MY daughter.
After taking picture, after picture, after picture....I left Scarlett's side to talk to Jenn. They were still measuring, assessing, and cleaning Scarlett. I told Jenn that I was going to go out to the waiting room to be with Chris and share this moment with him. I told her to take the time she needed with Scarlett....and to have someone come get us when she was ready.
At approximately 3am...Susie (Jenn's aunt) came to the waiting room and said Jenn was ready for us. When we entered the room...Scarlett was so peaceful, sleeping in Jenn's arms. Jenn looked at us and smiled, and then she spoke words to Scarlett I will never forget. She said "Scarlett, it's time for you to meet your Mommy and Daddy." Through tears, I told Jenn thank you and she handed me the most incredible gift...the gift of a daughter.
We stayed there in the delivery room...Jenn, Chris and I, and baby Scarlett....until they took us to our post-partum rooms. Words were few, but the feeling was one of peacefulness, mutual respect, and love. God was present...holding each of us in His arms....as that is the only way things could have felt that comfortable, that perfect.
For the rest of the weekend, we were allowed to have a room at the hospital on the post-partum floor, and Scarlett roomed-in with us. Jenn was across the hall, and we visited each others rooms often....continuing to share in the joy of this little life. Jenn was discharged home on Sunday, but I stayed in the hospital with Scarlett until Monday. We requested the extended stay because that is when official paper work could be signed....so that Scarlett could be discharged home to us from the hospital.
Now...grab some coffee...sit back...and enjoy (this is a long one....but an amazing one!)
I picked up Jenn at 7:00, so we could get her dog dropped off, pick up her cousin Abby, and get to the hospital by 7:30. After getting checked in...the normal "induction" stuff commenced (computer charting, IV starting, lab drawing, medicine administering). Unfortunately, Jenn's progression was slow...which for a hungry, pregnant woman...was miserable. For me...I actually enjoyed being at the hospital all day....just visiting with Jenn and sharing pieces of our lives with one another, through stories and pictures. Jenn met my parents (who will be Scarlett's Poppie and Bb), and my brother (Uncle Shawn), which I think gave her continued comfort....meeting the extended family that will be loving her little girl.
There was discussion at one point of possibly halting the induction, and starting again the following day. But...things started to move along and progress....so off to the races we went. I sent Chris home because we had no idea when things would REALLY get cooking, and I was to call him once it was "GO" time.
Jenn napped on and off...and I just laid there on my little cot...thinking of what was about to unfold. The rush of varying emotions is not really something I can even explain on paper. While thrilled and excited...I was also plagued with fear, anxiety and sadness. I can say...it's quite overwhelming to be experiencing ALL those emotions at one time.
Fast forward to 1:30am....Jenn was now complete and it was time to start pushing and bring this little miracle into the world. I called Chris and told him to make his way to the hospital (he didn't need to rush, as he was not going to be in the delivery room). Jenn's Aunt Susie, Cousin Abby, and myself were gifted with the honor of being in the delivery room with Jenn. She started pushing at 1:55am and Scarlett Grace entered the world at 2:13!! She weighed 7 pounds 11 ounces...and was 20 inches long.
As the I cut the umbilical cord...I was over come with tears and emotion, and my breath was actually stifled...as I had just been a part of an amazing miracle. I had just watched one of the most courageous women I know....give birth to her daughter....MY daughter.
After taking picture, after picture, after picture....I left Scarlett's side to talk to Jenn. They were still measuring, assessing, and cleaning Scarlett. I told Jenn that I was going to go out to the waiting room to be with Chris and share this moment with him. I told her to take the time she needed with Scarlett....and to have someone come get us when she was ready.
At approximately 3am...Susie (Jenn's aunt) came to the waiting room and said Jenn was ready for us. When we entered the room...Scarlett was so peaceful, sleeping in Jenn's arms. Jenn looked at us and smiled, and then she spoke words to Scarlett I will never forget. She said "Scarlett, it's time for you to meet your Mommy and Daddy." Through tears, I told Jenn thank you and she handed me the most incredible gift...the gift of a daughter.
We stayed there in the delivery room...Jenn, Chris and I, and baby Scarlett....until they took us to our post-partum rooms. Words were few, but the feeling was one of peacefulness, mutual respect, and love. God was present...holding each of us in His arms....as that is the only way things could have felt that comfortable, that perfect.
For the rest of the weekend, we were allowed to have a room at the hospital on the post-partum floor, and Scarlett roomed-in with us. Jenn was across the hall, and we visited each others rooms often....continuing to share in the joy of this little life. Jenn was discharged home on Sunday, but I stayed in the hospital with Scarlett until Monday. We requested the extended stay because that is when official paper work could be signed....so that Scarlett could be discharged home to us from the hospital.
Monday morning arrived...and it was time to take our little girl home.
After the paperwork was completed, Chris and I, along with Jen, her Aunt and Cousin, my parents, my brother and his wife, and another couple that happened to be there in support of Jenn....but are mutual friends of ours....all headed to the chapel in the hospital. We were joined by a pastor that Jenn chose and we participated in a beautiful, heart-warming blessing ceremony. A blessing ceremony that recognized...the joy of an amazing life, the new beginning of a growing family, the forever intertwining lives of birth parent and adoptive parents...as well as Jenn's sadness/ loss. The ceremony concluded with each person in the room placing their hand on Scarlett (or indirectly on Scarlett by touching someone who was touching her) while beautiful prayers and blessings were spoken aloud and silently.
I have beautiful pictures from this occasion, but I have decided to keep those private and close at heart. It's one of the most special moments of my life, and I look forward to sharing it with Scarlett when she is old enough and ready.
Scarlett Grace....my little girl, we have been praying for you and loving you long before we knew you! Always know...you are God's child, perfectly and divinely made. But for this earthly lifetime...you will experience unending, unwavering love....both seen and unseen.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Tomorrow is Coming!
Well, this morning is a unique morning. It is the last morning of waking up and preparing for the day with only one child to manage. Tomorrow morning, we will head to the hospital to support Jenn....as she is induced and gives birth to our little girl. The time has come...and we are ready!
NOW...when I say ready....I had to ponder a bit before I could actually write that statement.
The house isn't clean enough!
The yard/ landscaping looks horrible.
The fridge is almost empty and the pantry is desperate!
We haven't gotten enough sleep.
The nursery isn't established....YET!
We are riddled with anxious excitement, but also worry.
Things aren't as organized as I was hoping.
BUT
We have a marriage that is strong, supportive, and loving.
We have a house that is safe, and secure.
We are blessed with the financial resources to provide for our family.
We have hearts that are open and excited to be filled with love for another child.
We have amazing family who are excited and ready to support us in anyway possible.
We have an outstanding church family who are ready and willing to rise to the occasion.
And most importantly, we have a Savior....Jesus Christ our Lord...who we followed faithfully down this path. A very specific path that He laid before The Vaught's.....and instructed us "Trust in the Me with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Me, And I will make your paths straight" (adapted from Proverbs 3:5-6).
So, with plans to run around today....trying to make the house a little cleaner, the fridge and pantry a little fuller, the yard a little more acceptable....and the home a little more organized....don't be surprised if you call me and find I'm laying on the couch, enjoying a peaceful rest.....because I might just decide to....
LET IT GO because We are ready!
NOW...when I say ready....I had to ponder a bit before I could actually write that statement.
The house isn't clean enough!
The yard/ landscaping looks horrible.
The fridge is almost empty and the pantry is desperate!
We haven't gotten enough sleep.
The nursery isn't established....YET!
We are riddled with anxious excitement, but also worry.
Things aren't as organized as I was hoping.
BUT
We have a marriage that is strong, supportive, and loving.
We have a house that is safe, and secure.
We are blessed with the financial resources to provide for our family.
We have hearts that are open and excited to be filled with love for another child.
We have amazing family who are excited and ready to support us in anyway possible.
We have an outstanding church family who are ready and willing to rise to the occasion.
And most importantly, we have a Savior....Jesus Christ our Lord...who we followed faithfully down this path. A very specific path that He laid before The Vaught's.....and instructed us "Trust in the Me with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Me, And I will make your paths straight" (adapted from Proverbs 3:5-6).
So, with plans to run around today....trying to make the house a little cleaner, the fridge and pantry a little fuller, the yard a little more acceptable....and the home a little more organized....don't be surprised if you call me and find I'm laying on the couch, enjoying a peaceful rest.....because I might just decide to....
LET IT GO because We are ready!
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Anxiety Much????
Wow....holy wow! So last Thursday, I went to the doctor with Jenn (birth mom for baby girl). During the visit, her doctor said "Well, let's get this on the calendar." He called the hospital right then, and scheduled her to be induced on Friday, June 14th. So, in less than two weeks, Chris and I will accompany Jenn to the hospital at 7:30 in the morning, and sometime after that, our little girl will be born. When we left, Jenn said..."You looked a little freaked out in there!"
Freaked out.....Ummm...YES! I'm a little freaked out. Not because of the induction date....not because of the fact that in less than two weeks our family will be growing.....not because this dream I have had for so long is finally becoming a reality.
I'm freaked out....because....well....I'm JUST FREAKED OUT! Actually, it all stems from the want and desire to be the best mom I can be. Like I mentioned in a previous post, these moms (Jenn and Tank's mom) are counting on me.
I keep praying to God....over and over again...."God, are you sure you have equipped Chris and I to be parents? Not just parents, but good parents. Do we have the skills to care for children? Not just their physical, everyday needs, but their long term, emotional and spiritual needs. Do we have the resources to answer questions....when the going gets tough? Not just the everyday...who, what, when, where, and why questions. Are we strong enough to weather the storms ahead....some of which may be fierce and ugly? Not just the small rain squalls that sprinkle in and out of our year. God...ARE YOU SURE!?!?!?".
His answer....(so perfectly taken from this morning's read in Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)
Welcome challenging times as opportunities to trust Me. You have Me beside you and My Spirit within you, so no set of circumstances is too much for you to handle. When the path before you is dotted with difficulties, beware of measuring your strength against those challenges. That calculation is certain to riddle you with anxiety. Without Me, you wouldn't make it past the first hurdle!
The way to walk through demanding days is to grip My hand tightly and stay close in communication with Me. Let your thoughts and spoken words be richly flavored with trust and thankfulness. Regardless of the day's problems, I can keep you in perfect Peace as you stay close to Me.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength - Philippians 4:13
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you - Isaiah 26:3
So....the stage is set...the day is picked....the time is in the books. We are having a baby! And through God's promise and strength....we are ready!
Freaked out.....Ummm...YES! I'm a little freaked out. Not because of the induction date....not because of the fact that in less than two weeks our family will be growing.....not because this dream I have had for so long is finally becoming a reality.
I'm freaked out....because....well....I'm JUST FREAKED OUT! Actually, it all stems from the want and desire to be the best mom I can be. Like I mentioned in a previous post, these moms (Jenn and Tank's mom) are counting on me.
I keep praying to God....over and over again...."God, are you sure you have equipped Chris and I to be parents? Not just parents, but good parents. Do we have the skills to care for children? Not just their physical, everyday needs, but their long term, emotional and spiritual needs. Do we have the resources to answer questions....when the going gets tough? Not just the everyday...who, what, when, where, and why questions. Are we strong enough to weather the storms ahead....some of which may be fierce and ugly? Not just the small rain squalls that sprinkle in and out of our year. God...ARE YOU SURE!?!?!?".
His answer....(so perfectly taken from this morning's read in Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)
Welcome challenging times as opportunities to trust Me. You have Me beside you and My Spirit within you, so no set of circumstances is too much for you to handle. When the path before you is dotted with difficulties, beware of measuring your strength against those challenges. That calculation is certain to riddle you with anxiety. Without Me, you wouldn't make it past the first hurdle!
The way to walk through demanding days is to grip My hand tightly and stay close in communication with Me. Let your thoughts and spoken words be richly flavored with trust and thankfulness. Regardless of the day's problems, I can keep you in perfect Peace as you stay close to Me.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength - Philippians 4:13
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you - Isaiah 26:3
So....the stage is set...the day is picked....the time is in the books. We are having a baby! And through God's promise and strength....we are ready!
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