Well, this morning is a unique morning. It is the last morning of waking up and preparing for the day with only one child to manage. Tomorrow morning, we will head to the hospital to support Jenn....as she is induced and gives birth to our little girl. The time has come...and we are ready!
NOW...when I say ready....I had to ponder a bit before I could actually write that statement.
The house isn't clean enough!
The yard/ landscaping looks horrible.
The fridge is almost empty and the pantry is desperate!
We haven't gotten enough sleep.
The nursery isn't established....YET!
We are riddled with anxious excitement, but also worry.
Things aren't as organized as I was hoping.
BUT
We have a marriage that is strong, supportive, and loving.
We have a house that is safe, and secure.
We are blessed with the financial resources to provide for our family.
We have hearts that are open and excited to be filled with love for another child.
We have amazing family who are excited and ready to support us in anyway possible.
We have an outstanding church family who are ready and willing to rise to the occasion.
And most importantly, we have a Savior....Jesus Christ our Lord...who we followed faithfully down this path. A very specific path that He laid before The Vaught's.....and instructed us "Trust in the Me with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Me, And I will make your paths straight" (adapted from Proverbs 3:5-6).
So, with plans to run around today....trying to make the house a little cleaner, the fridge and pantry a little fuller, the yard a little more acceptable....and the home a little more organized....don't be surprised if you call me and find I'm laying on the couch, enjoying a peaceful rest.....because I might just decide to....
LET IT GO because We are ready!
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Anxiety Much????
Wow....holy wow! So last Thursday, I went to the doctor with Jenn (birth mom for baby girl). During the visit, her doctor said "Well, let's get this on the calendar." He called the hospital right then, and scheduled her to be induced on Friday, June 14th. So, in less than two weeks, Chris and I will accompany Jenn to the hospital at 7:30 in the morning, and sometime after that, our little girl will be born. When we left, Jenn said..."You looked a little freaked out in there!"
Freaked out.....Ummm...YES! I'm a little freaked out. Not because of the induction date....not because of the fact that in less than two weeks our family will be growing.....not because this dream I have had for so long is finally becoming a reality.
I'm freaked out....because....well....I'm JUST FREAKED OUT! Actually, it all stems from the want and desire to be the best mom I can be. Like I mentioned in a previous post, these moms (Jenn and Tank's mom) are counting on me.
I keep praying to God....over and over again...."God, are you sure you have equipped Chris and I to be parents? Not just parents, but good parents. Do we have the skills to care for children? Not just their physical, everyday needs, but their long term, emotional and spiritual needs. Do we have the resources to answer questions....when the going gets tough? Not just the everyday...who, what, when, where, and why questions. Are we strong enough to weather the storms ahead....some of which may be fierce and ugly? Not just the small rain squalls that sprinkle in and out of our year. God...ARE YOU SURE!?!?!?".
His answer....(so perfectly taken from this morning's read in Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)
Welcome challenging times as opportunities to trust Me. You have Me beside you and My Spirit within you, so no set of circumstances is too much for you to handle. When the path before you is dotted with difficulties, beware of measuring your strength against those challenges. That calculation is certain to riddle you with anxiety. Without Me, you wouldn't make it past the first hurdle!
The way to walk through demanding days is to grip My hand tightly and stay close in communication with Me. Let your thoughts and spoken words be richly flavored with trust and thankfulness. Regardless of the day's problems, I can keep you in perfect Peace as you stay close to Me.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength - Philippians 4:13
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you - Isaiah 26:3
So....the stage is set...the day is picked....the time is in the books. We are having a baby! And through God's promise and strength....we are ready!
Freaked out.....Ummm...YES! I'm a little freaked out. Not because of the induction date....not because of the fact that in less than two weeks our family will be growing.....not because this dream I have had for so long is finally becoming a reality.
I'm freaked out....because....well....I'm JUST FREAKED OUT! Actually, it all stems from the want and desire to be the best mom I can be. Like I mentioned in a previous post, these moms (Jenn and Tank's mom) are counting on me.
I keep praying to God....over and over again...."God, are you sure you have equipped Chris and I to be parents? Not just parents, but good parents. Do we have the skills to care for children? Not just their physical, everyday needs, but their long term, emotional and spiritual needs. Do we have the resources to answer questions....when the going gets tough? Not just the everyday...who, what, when, where, and why questions. Are we strong enough to weather the storms ahead....some of which may be fierce and ugly? Not just the small rain squalls that sprinkle in and out of our year. God...ARE YOU SURE!?!?!?".
His answer....(so perfectly taken from this morning's read in Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)
Welcome challenging times as opportunities to trust Me. You have Me beside you and My Spirit within you, so no set of circumstances is too much for you to handle. When the path before you is dotted with difficulties, beware of measuring your strength against those challenges. That calculation is certain to riddle you with anxiety. Without Me, you wouldn't make it past the first hurdle!
The way to walk through demanding days is to grip My hand tightly and stay close in communication with Me. Let your thoughts and spoken words be richly flavored with trust and thankfulness. Regardless of the day's problems, I can keep you in perfect Peace as you stay close to Me.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength - Philippians 4:13
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you - Isaiah 26:3
So....the stage is set...the day is picked....the time is in the books. We are having a baby! And through God's promise and strength....we are ready!
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Happy Mother's Day to Me???
As I reflect on tomorrow, I can honestly say I don't think I really ever thought those words... "Happy Mother's Day"....were ever going to apply to me or my life.
I've spent so many years....sitting in church on Mother's Day.... listening to children's choirs sing to their mother's, watching small children run up to their moms with art projects or flowers, and observing women of all ages smile lovingly as those around them say those three special words....HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
So, as the week wore on, and this special day drew closer, I fully expected to be flooded with emotion. This is MY year....my year as a mother...to be honored for loving a child(ren) with all the love my heart can muster. This is my year to be recognized for all the days, hours, minutes....caring for a little person who is completely dependent on me for every need in his/her life. This is my year....to be pampered, showered with love and appreciation for doing the job that only I...as a woman, can do....BE A MOTHER!
And yes...flooded with emotion I have been, but not for the reasons listed above.
I want to sit next the girl in church that is silently suffering from infertility and say...I understand!
I want to hug any woman who has lost a child (through death, miscarriage, failed adoption, or reunification of foster child) and say...I'm so very sorry!
I want to hold the hand of the birth mother who made the selfless, courageous decision to place their child for adoption and say...I admire you!
I want to extend a sincere smile the woman on the waiting list for an adoption match and say...I've been there and your wait will come to an end!
I want to touch the shoulder of those that do not have a mother, whether through death or loss of relationship and say...you are not alone!
I want to acknowledge those ladies who are kid-less....either by choice or circumstance and say....you make an impact on my child's life!
I'm so blessed to have an amazing mother...and I thank God every day for her, the wonderful influence she has had on my life, and her unwavering love and support! And now...I can say that I'm also blessed to be a mother. Through God's amazing love and blessings, he has given me the opportunity and responsibility to love one of His children...for they are all His, not ours!
But I will never....EVER....go through this day....this weekend of Mother's Day, without being thankful for my past. I will never go through this day without being thankful to those women in my life that were not my mother, but made a huge impact on my life and the woman I have become today. I will never let a Mother's Day go by....that I won't pray for those women for whom Mother's Day is not a happy day.
I've spent so many years....sitting in church on Mother's Day.... listening to children's choirs sing to their mother's, watching small children run up to their moms with art projects or flowers, and observing women of all ages smile lovingly as those around them say those three special words....HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
So, as the week wore on, and this special day drew closer, I fully expected to be flooded with emotion. This is MY year....my year as a mother...to be honored for loving a child(ren) with all the love my heart can muster. This is my year to be recognized for all the days, hours, minutes....caring for a little person who is completely dependent on me for every need in his/her life. This is my year....to be pampered, showered with love and appreciation for doing the job that only I...as a woman, can do....BE A MOTHER!
And yes...flooded with emotion I have been, but not for the reasons listed above.
I want to sit next the girl in church that is silently suffering from infertility and say...I understand!
I want to hug any woman who has lost a child (through death, miscarriage, failed adoption, or reunification of foster child) and say...I'm so very sorry!
I want to hold the hand of the birth mother who made the selfless, courageous decision to place their child for adoption and say...I admire you!
I want to extend a sincere smile the woman on the waiting list for an adoption match and say...I've been there and your wait will come to an end!
I want to touch the shoulder of those that do not have a mother, whether through death or loss of relationship and say...you are not alone!
I want to acknowledge those ladies who are kid-less....either by choice or circumstance and say....you make an impact on my child's life!
I'm so blessed to have an amazing mother...and I thank God every day for her, the wonderful influence she has had on my life, and her unwavering love and support! And now...I can say that I'm also blessed to be a mother. Through God's amazing love and blessings, he has given me the opportunity and responsibility to love one of His children...for they are all His, not ours!
But I will never....EVER....go through this day....this weekend of Mother's Day, without being thankful for my past. I will never go through this day without being thankful to those women in my life that were not my mother, but made a huge impact on my life and the woman I have become today. I will never let a Mother's Day go by....that I won't pray for those women for whom Mother's Day is not a happy day.
Friday, April 19, 2013
These Ladies are Counting on Me!
So...last week was a huge week.
Thursday, I had the wonderful honor and privilege of accompanying Jenn (birth mom for baby due in June) to her bi-weekly OB/GYN appointment. I met her doctor (He gave me the stamp of approval), he did an ultrasound (even though it wasn't supposed to be done at that appointment), and we talked about her birth plan. It was a really special day for me...as I continue to bond with Jenn. She is strong...selfless....amazingly grounded in her decision. As she looks in my eyes and says, "Tammy, I trust you. I know my little girl will have a great life with you and Chris!"....my heart becomes heavy. This mama is counting on me!
THEN...on Friday, we had court for "Tank". This day was one of the hardest, most gut-wrenching days of my life thus far. We entered court knowing there was a possibility that the child we love...that we call son....might be leaving our home forever. During court, Tank's mom decided to voluntarily relinquish her rights, and ultimately, after the full trial, Tank's dad's right were terminated by the court. I had the opportunity to visit with Tank's mom after court. We cried together, we hugged, and we talked about the little boy that we both love. She said "I know you guys love him, I know he loves you...and I know he will have a good life with you and Chris". Again....my heart became heavy. This mama is counting on me!
Both of these mamas...were brought into my life for a reason. God's perfect plan had our crazy, UNperfect lives intertwine in a way that only he can orchestrate. While the stories are different...when I ponder our reality as it unfolds before us...one thing holds true and is very much the same! These mamas are counting on me....to be the chosen mom for their child.
To Jenn:
I promise you....
~I will love your daughter with everything I have....as she is my daughter too.
~She will always be safe...if it within my power to assure.
~I will teach her to love herself.
~She will know she is beautiful.
~She will understand self-respect...as well as how to respect others.
~I will teach her about diversity and how we are called by God to love ALL others.
~She will be exposed to music, art, and culture.
~She will be shown that she can have just as much fun playing outside in the mud, as inside with dolls (although dolls are great too!)
~I will encourage her to dream big...and support her in fulfilling ALL her dreams.
~She will learn about independence...and that she can do anything she sets her mind to....ALL BY HERSELF!
~I would like to say I will teach her how to cook and how to change a tire (But that will probably be Chris' job more than mine).
~I will hold her when she cries....and I will roll on the floor with her when she wants to laugh.
~I will help her put on her ballet shoes, tutu, and sit front row at her dance recital.....OR I will help her put on her shin guards, chest protector, and yell the loudest as she gets the runner out at home plate!
~ Most importantly, I will teach her about God and His love....the one through whom all things are possible! She will be encouraged to pray and to be a spiritual leader.
To "Tank's" mom:
I promise you...
~I will love your son with everything I have....as he is my son too.
~He will be safe....if it is within my power to assure.
~I will teach him to love himself.
~He will know he is handsome.
~He will be taught NOT to be a bully...but to defend himself when necessary.
~I will teach him about diversity, and that we are all called by God to love ALL others.
~I will teach him how to be respectful to women. Chivalry is not dead, and therefore, he will know how to use it.
~He will be exposed to sports, and encouraged to play one....however, he will also be exposed to culture, art, and music....and encouraged to draw, sing, paint, and write.
~I will teach him how to clean a toilet, do his own laundry, and dust/ vacuum a living room.
~He will know that while it's good to be strong, it is also good to be sensitive.
~I will encourage him to follow his dreams....no matter how lofty they may seem! The sky's the limit son!
~Most importantly, I will teach him about God and His love....the one through whom all things are possible! He will be encouraged to pray and to be a spiritual leader.
These mamas are counting on me! I will make many mistakes. I will be learning as I go through this life/ challenge known as parenting. But ladies...I promise you....I will love your children, as they are my children too!
Thursday, I had the wonderful honor and privilege of accompanying Jenn (birth mom for baby due in June) to her bi-weekly OB/GYN appointment. I met her doctor (He gave me the stamp of approval), he did an ultrasound (even though it wasn't supposed to be done at that appointment), and we talked about her birth plan. It was a really special day for me...as I continue to bond with Jenn. She is strong...selfless....amazingly grounded in her decision. As she looks in my eyes and says, "Tammy, I trust you. I know my little girl will have a great life with you and Chris!"....my heart becomes heavy. This mama is counting on me!
THEN...on Friday, we had court for "Tank". This day was one of the hardest, most gut-wrenching days of my life thus far. We entered court knowing there was a possibility that the child we love...that we call son....might be leaving our home forever. During court, Tank's mom decided to voluntarily relinquish her rights, and ultimately, after the full trial, Tank's dad's right were terminated by the court. I had the opportunity to visit with Tank's mom after court. We cried together, we hugged, and we talked about the little boy that we both love. She said "I know you guys love him, I know he loves you...and I know he will have a good life with you and Chris". Again....my heart became heavy. This mama is counting on me!
Both of these mamas...were brought into my life for a reason. God's perfect plan had our crazy, UNperfect lives intertwine in a way that only he can orchestrate. While the stories are different...when I ponder our reality as it unfolds before us...one thing holds true and is very much the same! These mamas are counting on me....to be the chosen mom for their child.
To Jenn:
I promise you....
~I will love your daughter with everything I have....as she is my daughter too.
~She will always be safe...if it within my power to assure.
~I will teach her to love herself.
~She will know she is beautiful.
~She will understand self-respect...as well as how to respect others.
~I will teach her about diversity and how we are called by God to love ALL others.
~She will be exposed to music, art, and culture.
~She will be shown that she can have just as much fun playing outside in the mud, as inside with dolls (although dolls are great too!)
~I will encourage her to dream big...and support her in fulfilling ALL her dreams.
~She will learn about independence...and that she can do anything she sets her mind to....ALL BY HERSELF!
~I would like to say I will teach her how to cook and how to change a tire (But that will probably be Chris' job more than mine).
~I will hold her when she cries....and I will roll on the floor with her when she wants to laugh.
~I will help her put on her ballet shoes, tutu, and sit front row at her dance recital.....OR I will help her put on her shin guards, chest protector, and yell the loudest as she gets the runner out at home plate!
~ Most importantly, I will teach her about God and His love....the one through whom all things are possible! She will be encouraged to pray and to be a spiritual leader.
To "Tank's" mom:
I promise you...
~I will love your son with everything I have....as he is my son too.
~He will be safe....if it is within my power to assure.
~I will teach him to love himself.
~He will know he is handsome.
~He will be taught NOT to be a bully...but to defend himself when necessary.
~I will teach him about diversity, and that we are all called by God to love ALL others.
~I will teach him how to be respectful to women. Chivalry is not dead, and therefore, he will know how to use it.
~He will be exposed to sports, and encouraged to play one....however, he will also be exposed to culture, art, and music....and encouraged to draw, sing, paint, and write.
~I will teach him how to clean a toilet, do his own laundry, and dust/ vacuum a living room.
~He will know that while it's good to be strong, it is also good to be sensitive.
~I will encourage him to follow his dreams....no matter how lofty they may seem! The sky's the limit son!
~Most importantly, I will teach him about God and His love....the one through whom all things are possible! He will be encouraged to pray and to be a spiritual leader.
These mamas are counting on me! I will make many mistakes. I will be learning as I go through this life/ challenge known as parenting. But ladies...I promise you....I will love your children, as they are my children too!
Monday, April 8, 2013
To Be in Prayer...and to be Prayed For
I love praying! To be able to pray for someone in a time of need....is something I take very seriously. If I tell you I'm going to be in prayer for you....you can rest assured on that promise.
I love praying for the hard stuff...for those that are dying, for those dealing with difficult issues in relationships, those that are struggling in faith or for those that do not know Him yet.
I love praying for someone...just because! I may not know their needs on that day...or if they even have any specific needs. But just to say....Lord, you know them and their heart....bless this person in the ways only you can!
One of my favorite ways to be in prayer...is in thanksgiving! I'm thankful EVERYDAY....even on the hard days. And to start each and every prayer in thanksgiving is such a blessing to my life. Now don't get me wrong...that prayer maybe quickly followed up with "Help" or "Why" or "What". But, to know that in all things and all times...I can always start with thanksgiving is wonderful to me.
Now...if I love being in prayer that much...WHY do I feel such struggle with asking others to pray for me? I feel like a burden....I feel needy. And as of late...I feel like I'm CONSTANTLY asking for prayers. I am soooo ready to NOT be on a prayer list/ chain! :-)
Yes...our life is stressful right now, but who's isn't? We all have stress and trials and complicated things going on. So why should I be seeking any more prayer than the next guy? I truly wrestle with this issue...this feeling that my "stuff" isn't as important as other people's "stuff". So...Tammy...keep your need for prayer to yourself!
Then...you come in contact with someone like Greg Box....a dear friend from church. He looks you in the eyes, with such sincerity, and says "I consider it a huge honor to pray for someone that needs prayer, so please...can I pray for you today." WOAH!
Then it clicks....we are called by God to be in prayer!
1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray without ceasing.
So....for those reading....ask me to pray for you! It's part of my responsibility as a Christian...to be in faithful prayer ALL THE TIME! And please...I'm asking you....pray for me too!
I love praying for the hard stuff...for those that are dying, for those dealing with difficult issues in relationships, those that are struggling in faith or for those that do not know Him yet.
I love praying for someone...just because! I may not know their needs on that day...or if they even have any specific needs. But just to say....Lord, you know them and their heart....bless this person in the ways only you can!
One of my favorite ways to be in prayer...is in thanksgiving! I'm thankful EVERYDAY....even on the hard days. And to start each and every prayer in thanksgiving is such a blessing to my life. Now don't get me wrong...that prayer maybe quickly followed up with "Help" or "Why" or "What". But, to know that in all things and all times...I can always start with thanksgiving is wonderful to me.
Now...if I love being in prayer that much...WHY do I feel such struggle with asking others to pray for me? I feel like a burden....I feel needy. And as of late...I feel like I'm CONSTANTLY asking for prayers. I am soooo ready to NOT be on a prayer list/ chain! :-)
Yes...our life is stressful right now, but who's isn't? We all have stress and trials and complicated things going on. So why should I be seeking any more prayer than the next guy? I truly wrestle with this issue...this feeling that my "stuff" isn't as important as other people's "stuff". So...Tammy...keep your need for prayer to yourself!
Then...you come in contact with someone like Greg Box....a dear friend from church. He looks you in the eyes, with such sincerity, and says "I consider it a huge honor to pray for someone that needs prayer, so please...can I pray for you today." WOAH!
Then it clicks....we are called by God to be in prayer!
1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray without ceasing.
So....for those reading....ask me to pray for you! It's part of my responsibility as a Christian...to be in faithful prayer ALL THE TIME! And please...I'm asking you....pray for me too!
Monday, March 11, 2013
Our Reality
We are in early March...and everything is in a holding pattern, both with "Tank" and with Baby Girl. There is nothing new to report....nothing new going on....just moving day to day like every other normal family.
Only...we are not normal....we are not typical. This journey we are on, while not unique....it is not "normal".
However....it is our journey...our beautiful story...our reality.
My reality....
~ I pick up a playroom full of toys at least 3 times a day...knowing "Tank the Tornado" will be back...SOON!
~ I wipe someone else's snotty nose and clean someone else's dirty butt MANY more times a day than my own these days.
~ I go to bed early...REALLY early! And I'm totally ok with it!
~ The child in my home has WAY more new clothes than I do.
~ I smile and laugh...and my heart is warmed everytime I see his little smile shining up at me!
~We go to the park, to playdates, to church, to daycare, to visit family....we simply GO GO GO!
~ I think I say things like "That's a blue block....or The Cow goes Moooo" in my sleep.
BUT....
~ I can not say my child's name on social media or post pictures of his beautiful face.
~ While he calls me mama....and I love him as a mama should, he is not yet my son.
~ I have to fill out paperwork every week....documenting every does of Motrin and antibiotic I give, recording every activity he participated in, notating every doctors appointment, and clarifying every bruise and scrape.
~ I rock a child at night, kiss his head, and tell him I love him....knowing that he may leave my home next month.
~ I spend much of my free time reading about foster parenting, adoption, attachment disorders, and successful techniques to promote bonding....because those issues are/will be a part of my life.
~ We laugh...we sing....we dance....we play, but sometimes...no matter how much joy is in my home, there is a cloud looming that represents our life's current situation.
I love my reality! I would not change my reality, but sometimes....it's hard, REALLY hard. But...again....we are not unique. Sometimes...reality is just hard....for everyone!
For Chris and I, we simply followed God to the space He called us to fill and we said “Yes”. We said “yes” to the joy and excitement of becoming parents, but we also said “yes” to the discomfort, the ache, the pain that comes with this love. Fostering has deepened our understanding of God’s love for us and has taught us how to “try” to love with that kind of love. It has allowed us the chance to enter the depths of love where it isn’t all fun and easy. God has empowered us to love these babies with His love, despite our weaknesses and shortcomings.
Only...we are not normal....we are not typical. This journey we are on, while not unique....it is not "normal".
However....it is our journey...our beautiful story...our reality.
My reality....
~ I pick up a playroom full of toys at least 3 times a day...knowing "Tank the Tornado" will be back...SOON!
~ I wipe someone else's snotty nose and clean someone else's dirty butt MANY more times a day than my own these days.
~ I go to bed early...REALLY early! And I'm totally ok with it!
~ The child in my home has WAY more new clothes than I do.
~ I smile and laugh...and my heart is warmed everytime I see his little smile shining up at me!
~We go to the park, to playdates, to church, to daycare, to visit family....we simply GO GO GO!
~ I think I say things like "That's a blue block....or The Cow goes Moooo" in my sleep.
BUT....
~ I can not say my child's name on social media or post pictures of his beautiful face.
~ While he calls me mama....and I love him as a mama should, he is not yet my son.
~ I have to fill out paperwork every week....documenting every does of Motrin and antibiotic I give, recording every activity he participated in, notating every doctors appointment, and clarifying every bruise and scrape.
~ I rock a child at night, kiss his head, and tell him I love him....knowing that he may leave my home next month.
~ I spend much of my free time reading about foster parenting, adoption, attachment disorders, and successful techniques to promote bonding....because those issues are/will be a part of my life.
~ We laugh...we sing....we dance....we play, but sometimes...no matter how much joy is in my home, there is a cloud looming that represents our life's current situation.
I love my reality! I would not change my reality, but sometimes....it's hard, REALLY hard. But...again....we are not unique. Sometimes...reality is just hard....for everyone!
For Chris and I, we simply followed God to the space He called us to fill and we said “Yes”. We said “yes” to the joy and excitement of becoming parents, but we also said “yes” to the discomfort, the ache, the pain that comes with this love. Fostering has deepened our understanding of God’s love for us and has taught us how to “try” to love with that kind of love. It has allowed us the chance to enter the depths of love where it isn’t all fun and easy. God has empowered us to love these babies with His love, despite our weaknesses and shortcomings.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Dear God...It's me Tammy
So...this past Tuesday we had court for Tank. This particular court hearing is known as a "Permancy Hearing". Basically...all the parties are present. The CPS caseworker presents the plan and all the supporting data.
In our case...CPS presented Tank's case with the recommendation of termination of parental rights with non-relative adoption by foster parents. That was the first time we actually heard that said in court. I think I stopped breathing temporarily!
The judge approved the plan and set the final hearing for April 12th. Now...this does not mean ANYTHING in regards to what will actually happen in April. On that day...all the information will be put before the judge, witnesses will be called to testify, and a ruling will be made. And...that ruling could go either way. Either way...that day is going to be a very difficult day! So...continued prayers are appreciated!
Speaking of prayers....
I use my travel time...on my way to work...for prayer. I'm usually driving into the hospital at some ridiculously early hour...and there is no one to call on the phone! So....RING RING RING...God....it's me....Tammy.
Sometimes I pray for help..."Help a girl out...I still can't get a handle on my eating!" Often, I pray for others in my life that are in need of His light and peace. I always pray for my patients that day...and that I might be a good little anesthetist!
This past Tuesday...I heard myself praying words I never thought I would be able to pray.
I thanked God....I thanked Him, over and over again....for this journey....for this crazy path. I thanked him....earnestly....with all my heart....that the journey was hard! I thanked him for this difficult, emotional ride! I no longer consider it a "trial". I mean...don't get me wrong...it has been extremely trying....testing me in everyway....testing my marriage.....testing my faith. Yet...I thanked Him...in the midst of a difficult path that is not yet over!
I remember the day I became a Christian! I was 8 years old...at Laity Lodge Youth Camp....sitting on a big boulder outside my cabin. I then went on to pray "the prayer" with another little girl that evening...to help her become a Christian. I grew up in church...attending church camp...hanging with mostly all Christian friends. My faith has always been important to me!
BUT, the role it played in my life....waxed and waned with the different seasons of my life. Not always did I seek Him in times of trial...or thank Him for the blessings in my life, because....frankly, I just couldn't! I just wasn't...THERE!
This season....this "trial"....has taken my relationship with Christ to a level I wasn't anticipating. Because of this challenging path...I have sought Him....EVERYDAY, for strength...for guidance....for peace. I have come to a place in my life...through my faith....where my trust in God is enough! It is simply enough.
Now hear me!!! My faith and trust in God is enough....but I am not done...nor am I there! I continue to fall! I continue to struggle! And on April 12th....I very well maybe crying to God with..."Why? How could this happen? Please make this outcome different!"
But...at least...I'll be crying to God....my God! The One who will never forsake me....or leave me! And for that....I'm thankful!
In our case...CPS presented Tank's case with the recommendation of termination of parental rights with non-relative adoption by foster parents. That was the first time we actually heard that said in court. I think I stopped breathing temporarily!
The judge approved the plan and set the final hearing for April 12th. Now...this does not mean ANYTHING in regards to what will actually happen in April. On that day...all the information will be put before the judge, witnesses will be called to testify, and a ruling will be made. And...that ruling could go either way. Either way...that day is going to be a very difficult day! So...continued prayers are appreciated!
Speaking of prayers....
I use my travel time...on my way to work...for prayer. I'm usually driving into the hospital at some ridiculously early hour...and there is no one to call on the phone! So....RING RING RING...God....it's me....Tammy.
Sometimes I pray for help..."Help a girl out...I still can't get a handle on my eating!" Often, I pray for others in my life that are in need of His light and peace. I always pray for my patients that day...and that I might be a good little anesthetist!
This past Tuesday...I heard myself praying words I never thought I would be able to pray.
I thanked God....I thanked Him, over and over again....for this journey....for this crazy path. I thanked him....earnestly....with all my heart....that the journey was hard! I thanked him for this difficult, emotional ride! I no longer consider it a "trial". I mean...don't get me wrong...it has been extremely trying....testing me in everyway....testing my marriage.....testing my faith. Yet...I thanked Him...in the midst of a difficult path that is not yet over!
I remember the day I became a Christian! I was 8 years old...at Laity Lodge Youth Camp....sitting on a big boulder outside my cabin. I then went on to pray "the prayer" with another little girl that evening...to help her become a Christian. I grew up in church...attending church camp...hanging with mostly all Christian friends. My faith has always been important to me!
BUT, the role it played in my life....waxed and waned with the different seasons of my life. Not always did I seek Him in times of trial...or thank Him for the blessings in my life, because....frankly, I just couldn't! I just wasn't...THERE!
This season....this "trial"....has taken my relationship with Christ to a level I wasn't anticipating. Because of this challenging path...I have sought Him....EVERYDAY, for strength...for guidance....for peace. I have come to a place in my life...through my faith....where my trust in God is enough! It is simply enough.
Now hear me!!! My faith and trust in God is enough....but I am not done...nor am I there! I continue to fall! I continue to struggle! And on April 12th....I very well maybe crying to God with..."Why? How could this happen? Please make this outcome different!"
But...at least...I'll be crying to God....my God! The One who will never forsake me....or leave me! And for that....I'm thankful!
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